Category: Uncategorized

  • The dopamine gold rush: How bad habits are formed and kept

    By JayDee Vykoukal

    In September of 2024, researchers at the University of Central Florida ( UCF ) unveiled a rapid test sensor to detect dopamine in our system. The device will increase the detection of neurological diseases and cancers caused by too much or too little of this important brain chemical.

    Dopamine is a neural transmitter that regulates feelings of reward or pleasure. The UCF team, led by Professor Debashis Chanda, developed an “integrated optical sensor” able to detect the important brain chemical from unprocessed blood.

    The sensor uses a synthetic DNA strand, known as an aptamer, to identify the dopamine present in a person’s system.

    Dopamine’s Role in Society

    While this is good news for the neuroscience community, dopamine has had negative headlines of late. The neurochemical is an essential part of the human condition, though it also leads to forming habits — namely bad ones.

    Dopamine plays a huge part in our brain development, not least when we display destructive, repeated behavior. In Atomic Habits, author James Clear gives a detailed breakdown of all the neuroscience involved in habit formation, or what he calls the “habit loop.”

    How Habits Form

    Within the habit loop, Clear lists three core elements:

    Cue (The Trigger). Habit loops begin with a trigger for behavior: extrinsic or intrinsic signals that prompt a habitual response. Certain brain regions, like the basal ganglia, are where this interplay takes place.

    Routine (The Behavior). The next part of a habit loop is when it becomes routine — our decision-making process carries out this stage, guided by the prefrontal cortex. Routines will embed as neural pathways become active; these strengthen through a reaction known as long-term potentiation (LTP).

    Reward (The Reinforcement). Finally, dopamine gets to work in the reward phase, where the routine culminates. Dopamine governs how we feel rewarded, bolstering the habit loop and ensuring repeated behavior in the future.

    Distraction vs. Entertainment

    American cultural polemicist and music historian Ted Gioia likes to use the term “dopamine culture” to portray his worldview. His essay, “The State of the Culture, 2024,” published earlier this year, reads like a societal eulogy.

    Gioia believes we are seeing a “post-entertainment culture” emerge from the ashes of its previous glory. In his opinion, distraction has now taken over from arts and entertainment, and the distraction industry is here to stay.

    “This is more than just the hot trend of 2024,” writes Gioia. “It can last forever — because it’s based on body chemistry, not fashion or aesthetics.

    Where in the past, the emphasis was on keeping people awed or entertained, the present points to a new goal — addiction. “Everything is designed to lock users into an addictive cycle,” writes Gioia. “This is present in everyday life, not least our cell phones.”

    Fishing for Users

    While social media platforms fish for more subscribers, the psychological methods they use are what keep users hooked. The International Journal of Environmental Science and Public Health published a 2019 study on modern tech’s addictive features.

    The study points to how the exchange of personal data fuels a string of measures used within “Freemium” online games and social media apps. Researchers analyzed “several prominent smartphone apps” to uncover these methods.

    Addictive by Design

    Scientists highlighted at least six different mechanisms used in prevailing smartphone app development, with some classic psychological/economic theories present:

    — Endless scrolling. Once a video or post has finished, something similar appears underneath, tempting the user with more content.

    — Social comparison and social reward, which usually means a “like” on a social media post;

    — The endowment effect — or our hard-wired tendency to give personal belongings higher value than others. Once an app user has built a profile, added their preferences, and attached meaningful posts, they will be less likely to discard the app.

    — The mere-exposure effect, which is a form of cognitive bias in which people indicate a preference for something they find familiar; Social pressure. In apps like WhatsApp, the sender will see two gray ticks appear under a message they sent. These ticks turn blue when the recipient reads the message, putting them on a perceived time trial for responding.

    — The Zeigarnik effect refers to the human ability to remember unfinished tasks. This technique is especially powerful on social media platforms, where messaging or commenting makes up most of the activity.

    At the very least, apps’ success relies on showing users what they like to see. One example of this is a personalized news feed catering to a singular worldview. Algorithms reward the user with similar content to what they’ve seen before. This maneuver makes them feel more connected to their app and less inclined to switch off.

    Childhood Habits Have Become Untenable

    Social psychologist and author Jonathan Heidt has studied the phenomenon of smartphone technology and behavior extensively. In an Atlantic article titled “End the Phone-Based Childhood Now,” Heidt outlines how smartphones have laid waste to America’s youth.

    He cites one overwhelming consequence of teenage smartphone addiction: a precipitous rise in depression and anxiety. Suicide rates in American adolescents aged between 10 and 19 went up by half between 2010 and 2019. Just for girls between 10 and 14 years, the rate increased a shocking 131%.

    Falling Grades and Rising Depression

    Other implications include surging rates of isolation and a decline in academic achievement. All of these changes came when social media platforms were emerging into everyday life. What’s perhaps most startling is how both teen suicide rates and academic prowess were improving through the 2000s in America.

    The Nation’s Report Card published U.S. reading and math scores over the past few decades, cementing Heidt’s concerns. Both scores peaked in 2012, though they have each fallen in the years since. Clearly, bad habits are taking over in age groups where they shouldn’t be.

    The modern era is now rife with dopamine-inducing temptations wherever one turns. Ads for food and cookery influencers create content that might elicit binge eating. Moreover, news and short-form video platforms like YouTube Shorts allow vicarious — and often negative — viewing experiences, prompting unhealthy doom-scrolling.

    Rewiring the Habit Loop

    Of course, there is much conversation on this matter, with terminology to match. University of California, San Francisco Medical School professor Dr. Cameron Sepah is responsible for the term “dopamine fasting.”

    Sepah writes on his LinkedIn page how his “Dopamine Fasting 2.0” is an “evidence-based technique to manage addictive behaviors, by restricting them to specific periods of time…” His objective is for people to “regain behavioral flexibility” by fasting from impulsive choices.

    Fighting the Urge

    The method is a cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) driven process he calls “stimulus control.” Putting one’s phone away is the first step, followed by finding a less sedentary alternative to combat the urge to retrieve it. Finally, blocking the apps, platforms, or video games causing the problem is another suggested measure.

    Sepah also recommends “urge surfing,” wherein one reflects on the desire to repeat the habit in question, watching it “come and go.” By training oneself to understand why negative impulses occur, Sepah believes people can help weaken habituation, replacing bad habits with good ones.

    JayDeeVykoukal is the author of this article, a Doctor of Physical Therapy, a travel enthusiast, and a mom of two girls. Having completed her Doctorate of Physical Therapy at the University of Montana in 2013, Jay Dee has sought to combine her passion for health and wellness with her love for traveling and writing. She is an avid traveler who has visited over 30 countries.

    Jay Dee’s writing reflects her diverse passions for physical therapy, holistic health, travel, and parenting. She writes about everything from tips on injury prevention to gardening, science facts, and fun places to visit around the globe with children in tow. Jay Dee hopes to share her knowledge with others through her books and blogs so they can live happier, more meaningful, and healthier lives.

  • Recovery Contagion within the Family

    By Bill White

    Addiction runs in families, but far less known is the fact that recovery also runs in families. Recovery Contagion is a phenomenon have captured my attention in recent decades and been the focus of numerous articles. Recovery contagion is defined as the recovery from a disease spread by close contact.

    Scientific studies are unravelling the factors that combine to elevate risk of intergenerational transmission of addiction and related problems. These mechanisms of transmission include genetic and neurobiological influences, fetal alcohol spectrum disorders, assortative mating (attraction of those exposed to parental addition to individuals who share this family history), co-occurring conditions, temperament, developmental and historical trauma, family dynamics (e.g., parental/sibling modeling and collusion), early age of alcohol and other drug (AOD) exposure, and disruption of family rituals. (See Here for review of studies). Rigorous studies have yet to be conducted on the prevalence, patterns, and mechanisms through which addiction recovery of one family member increased the probability of other addicted family members also initiating a recovery process. The purpose of the present blog is to offer some observations on these issues drawn from decades of observation of families impacted by and recovering from severe and persistent AOD problems. The following suggestions should be viewed as hypotheses to be tested via scientific studies and more expansive clinical observations.

    • Innumerable patterns of recovery transmission exist within families. Recovery transmission may occur intergenerationally (e.g., parent to child) and Intragenerationally (between siblings) and reach the extended family and social network. The recovery influence may also be bi-directional, e.g., mother in recovery to addicted child, child in recovery to addicted mother). Recovery transmission, like addiction, can also skip generations.
    • The probability of recovery initiation of an addicted family member increases as the density of recovery within an addiction-affected family network increase. The contagiousness of recovery and the push and pull forces towards recovery increase exponentially as other family members initiate recovery and as overall health of the family system improves.
    • The mechanisms of recovery transmission within affected families include:

    1) infusion into the family of increased knowledge about addiction and recovery by the family member(s) in recovery,

    2) withdrawal of family support for active addiction,

    3) truth-telling about the addicted family member’s behavior and its effects on the family, 4) elicitation of hope,

    5) recovery role modeling,

    6) active engagement and recovery guidance by family member(s) in recovery,

    7) assertive linkage and co-participation in recovery mutual aid and other recovery support institutions,

    8) assistance when needed in accessing professional treatment,

    9) post-treatment monitoring and support, and

    10) adjustments in family life to accommodate recovery support activities for recovering members and family as a whole.

    These individual mechanisms achieve heightened power when sequenced and combined over time.

    • Recovery of a family member can spark personal reevaluations of AOD consumption of other family members, resulting in a potential decrease in AOD use and related risk behaviors, even among family members without a substance use disorder. This may constitute a hidden benefit of recovery in lowering addiction-related costs to community and society.
    • The recovery contagion effect on other family members exists even when the recovering family member isolated themselves from the family to protect his or her own recovery stability. The family’s knowledge of the reality of his or her continued recovery and its effects on their health and functioning exerts pressure towards recovery even in absence of direct contact.
    • One of the most complicated forms of recovery contagion is between intimate partners who both experience AOD problems. The recovery of one partner destabilizes the relationship and increases the probability of recovery initiation of the other; addiction recurrence in one partner increases the recurrence risk in the other partner. Recovery stability is greatest when each partner established their own recovery program in tandem with activities to support “couple recovery.”
    • Where conflict exists between a family member in recovery and a family member in active addiction (e.g., a father in recovery and an actively addicted son), the conflict can serve as an obstacle to recovery initiation of the addicted family member. Though recovery initiation may be slowed, recovery prognosis is still increased, and the conflicted relationship is often reconciled when both parties are in recovery. When not reconciled, conflict can continue to be played out via different pathways of recovery.

    It is rare to escape injury to family within the addiction experience. Such injuries increase progressively within families in which multiple people are experiencing AOD-related problems. For those of us who find ourselves in such circumstances, the greatest gift we can offer our family is our own recovery.

    Related Papers of Potential Interest

    Evans, A. C., Lamb, R., & White, W. L. (2014). Promoting intergenerational resilience and recovery: Policy, clinical, and recovery support strategies to alter the intergenerational transmission of alcohol, drug, and related problems. Philadelphia: Department of Behavioral Health and Intellectual disAbility Services. Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/pr/2014%20Breaking%20Intergenerational%20Cycles%20of%20Addiction.pdf

    Navarra, R. & White, W. (2014) Couple recovery. Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/blog/2018/03/couple-recovery-robert-navarra-psyd-lmft-mac-and-bill-white.html

    White, W. & Savage, B. (2003) All in the Family: Addiction, recovery, advocacy.   Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/pr/2005AllintheFamily.pdf

    White, W. (2014) Addiction recovery and intergenerational resilience Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/blog/2014/07/addiction-recovery-and-intergenerational-resilience.html

    White, W. (2017). Family recovery 101. Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/blog/2017/12/family-recovery-101.html

    White, W. Addiction/Recovery as a family tradition. Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/blog/2017/12/family-recovery-101.html

    White, W. (2015) All in the family: Recovery resource review. http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/blog/2015/11/all-in-the-family-recovery-resource-review.html

    White, W. L. & Chaney, R. A. (2008). Intergenerational patterns of resistance and recovery within families with histories of alcohol and other drug problems: What we need to know. Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/pr/2012%20Intergenerational%20Resilience%20%26%20Recovery.pdf

     White, W. L. & White. A. M. (2011).  Tips for recovering parents wishing to break intergenerational cycles of addiction. Posted at: http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/pr/Tips%20for%20Recovering%20Parents.pdf

    About the author:

    Bill White first published this blog on the web site WilliamWhitePapers.com on September 5, 2019. Bill White is a preeminent researcher on addiction and recovery. He received a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Faces and Voices of Recovery in 2015. William L. White is an Emeritus Senior Research Consultant at Chestnut Health Systems / Lighthouse Institute and past chair of the board of Recovery Communities United. Bill has a master’s degree in Addiction Studies and has worked full time in the addictions field since 1969 as a streetworker, counselor, clinical director, researcher and well-traveled trainer and consultant. He has authored or co-authored more than 400 articles, monographs, research reports and book chapters and 20 books. His book, Slaying the Dragon – The History of Addiction Treatment and Recovery in America, received the McGovern Family Foundation Award for the best book on addiction recovery. Bill was featured in the Bill Moyers’ PBS special “Close to Home: Addiction in America” and Showtime’s documentary “Smoking, Drinking and Drugging in the 20th Century.” Bill’s sustained contributions to the field have been acknowledged by awards from the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers, the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, NAADAC: The Association of Addiction Professionals, the American Society of Addiction Medicine, and the Native American Wellbriety Movement. Bill’s widely read papers on recovery advocacy have been published by the Johnson Institute in a book entitled Let’s Go Make Some History: Chronicles of the New Addiction Recovery Advocacy Movement.

    His web site is: http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/

    *Definition of Recovery Contagion:

    The recovery from a disease spread by close contact.

  • What do I need to be a recovery coach?

    I published the second edition my book Recovery Coaching – A Guide to Coaching People in Recovery from Addictions in 2019. Since the first edition was released (in 2013) there have been several changes in certification requirements for recovery coaches, and peer recovery specialists. The training of coaches has become one of the fastest growing aspects of the coaching field. So what kind of training do I need to be a recovery coach?

    Many of the organizations that offer addiction recovery coach training or peer recovery-support specialist training are listed on my web site . For many people interested in being a recovery coach, the training costs are an important factor. Deciding on the best training organization and the training necessary to fulfill the state certification requirements can be confusing. So I would like to attempt to clear up this confusion and will attempt to answer these questions in this post:

    What are the guidelines I must meet to apply for recovery coaching training?

    Applicants must meet the following guidelines to apply for a training course in order to be a recovery coach or a peer recovery support-specialist. These guidelines are shared by many training organizations and certification boards across the nation as a standard for what a potential recovery coach must have before applying for recovery coaching training:

    High school diploma, GED or higher

    Minimum of one year of direct knowledge of sponsorship and 12-step programs

    Minimum one year of sobriety from substance use or one year sobriety in co-occurring mental health and substance use disorders (self-attestation)

    Have a minimum of one year experience working with a family member, loved one or significant other that is addicted, is attempting to recover or who has loss their life due to an addiction(self-attestation)

    What kind of training do I need to be a recovery coach?

    Certification boards require the coach to receive peer recovery specialist or recovery coach training from an organization that is authorized by the state to give this training. This ensures the training will fulfill the requirements mandated by your state’s certification board. In order to find out what authorized training organizations are, go to your state’s certification board.

    After your research, you will need to complete the following:

    • Each state and organization has different requirements. So first check with your state to ensure the courses you take will be accepted by the state credentialing board.
    • A certain amount of hours in coaching training (46-120 hours depending on the state) in topics such as addiction recovery theory, motivational interviewing, relapse prevention, cultural awareness, suicide prevention and HIV-AIDS education
    • 8-16 hours of coaching ethics.

    The places in which you receive this training are quite diverse. In the links section of this web site,  ( https://www.mkrecoverycoaching.com/recovery-coach-training-organizations/ ) I list over 250 organizations offering recovery coach training. The courses can be virtual, or in a classroom. The costs for this training is diverse as well, from free (in Ohio) up to $4,000 per course. The length of the course could be three days or four months.

    At no time does taking a recovery coaching course give you an immediate state certification board recovery-coaching credential. It gives you a document (called a certificate) that says you completed the training hours. There are many coaches who do not seek state board certification and use this document or certificate from a training organization as adequate proof they are knowledgeable in performing the duties of a recovery coach.

    There is a central international credentialing organization, the International Certification and Reciprocity Consortium, commonly known as the IC & RC, which runs many state credentialing boards and has developed an exam for a Peer Recovery (PR) Certification. The IC & RC suggests applicants check with their state credentialing board for specific test-taking guidelines.

    What differentiates a Peer Recovery Coach from a Professional Coach?

    Why the “Professional Coach” title? The word “professional” will differentiate Peer Recovery Coaches with more coaching experience and more training from other peer coaches with credentials or certifications. Employers ( e.g., hospitals, providers, prisons) employ coaches, and for these employers  the term “Professional” signifies a higher level of competence and expertise.

    There are trainings offered that can give a coach more information that may not be on the state certification board list but are very helpful. The kinds of training I found helpful as a new recovery coach are conflict resolution and management, anger management, intervention training, co-occurring disorders, behavioral addictions, the pharmacology of addiction, as well as knowledge about coaching families in relationships with addicted persons. There are also trainings on how to be a recovery coach in a hospital Emergency Department, working with Narcan revived patients, or working with people in prisons or the homeless. There are also organizations that offer Professional Coach certification (CCAR- Conneticut Community of Addiction Recovery, (https://addictionrecoverytraining.org/ ) and the International Coaching Federation that offers three different levels of life coach training: associate, professional- and master-level coaching certificates https://coachingfederation.org/

    After you receive this initial Peer Recovery Coach training, additional trainings can open up to you. The more time you engage in being a recovery coach and the more educational credentials you receive; you move closer to the “Professional Coach” status.

    Are there any additional credentialing organizations for recovery coaching certification?

    NAADAC, the Association for Addiction Professionals, and the National Certification Commission for Addiction Professionals (NCC-AP) offer the Nationally Certified Peer Recovery Support-Specialist Certification. Similar to the state certification- however- the NAADAC certification is good to use in every state in the union. So a coach does not have to worry about reciprocity from one state to another. The requirements the  NAADAC recommends, in order to receive certification, mandates a coach read and sign a statement on the application affirming adherence to the Peer Recovery Support-Specialist Code of Ethics. The new coach will confirm they have taken the NAADAC six-hour ethics training course and have completed six hours of HIV/other pathogens education and training course (also available through NAADAC).Credentialing boards require supervisors of the coaches-in-training to sign a document verifying they have supervised the coach during the 200-hour period of the coach’s  practice training. Letters of recommendation are also items required by some credentialing boards. Other state boards require a recent photograph.

     NAPS, or National Association for Peer Support is an organization for peers focusing on mental health recovery peer support as well as addiction recovery support. They have education and credentialing standards that are listed at : https://www.peersupportworks.org/.

    As always, check with your state credentialing board for specific requirements for credentialing training. Many states only accept training from an organization that have had their trainings screened by the state and authorized to be used as a credentialing training source.

    What is the next step in the  process of being qualified, getting training, and then credentialed as a recovery coach or peer-recovery support specialist?

    After you have completed the research as to what type of credentialling you want (e.g. state certification board, IC & RC or NAADAC), then seek out the training you can afford. Go to http://www.mkrecoverycoaching.com/recovery-coach-training-organizations/ for a list of addiction recovery coach training organizations

    1. Verify that you meet the qualifications to apply for the course (e.g. be 18-years-old, have a GED or high school diploma, one year sobriety from any addiction)
    2. Take and pass the course, retain the coaching certificate for future purposes
    3. Research places like Recovery Community Organizations or treatment centers to work or volunteer as a recovery-coach-in-training to receive your practice hours.
    4. Complete the recovery-coach-in-training supervised practice hours that are required by the state board or the NAADAC
    5. Apply to your state certification board or the NAADAC for the time to take the recovery coach exam(a fee will apply)
    6. Send in your application with paperwork verifying the completion of practice hours to the state credentialing board with a certification fee (the additional fee varies for every state, from $100-$250)
    7. If you pass the exam and meet all the requirements listed on the application, you will receive your recovery coaching or peer-recovery support specialist certificate
    8. In the next 2 – 4 years take the required courses for renewing this certificate. Refer to your state board or the NAADAC for more information on courses and renewal time frames. A renewal fee will be required.

    So, whether you are working as a coach, looking to become one, if you are a family member, or an ally ready to learn about the recovery process, we can promise you the process to become a coach is a transformational experience.

    Good luck on your journey.

  • What is a recovery coach?

    In 2013, I published Recovery Coaching – A Guide to Coaching People in Recovery from Addictions, since then the duties and responsibilities of recovery coaches, peer recovery support specialists and professional recovery coaches have expanded significantly.

    In this article, I hope to define some different recovery coaching titles for those interested in becoming a recovery coach, what certifications they should seek, the places they could work and what they can anticipate as compensation for their work.

    What kind of certification should a future recovery coach receive?

    Recovery coach training and certification is a requirement in this field. Coaching certification and training is one of the fastest growing aspects of the healthcare field. The number of recovery coaching training and certification courses has expanded to over 300 institutions nationwide. Many employers require recovery coach and peer recovery support specialist certifications. In the links section of this web site is a state by state listing of all the organizations that offer certifications for addiction recovery coaches. If you are reading this to receive basic recovery coaching information, first decide if you enjoy working with people in recovery from substance misuse or want to work with people in recovery from a mental health or behavioral health disorder.

    Are you interested in working with people in recovery from addictions or in recovery from a mental health or behavioral health diagnosis?

    A nearly universal definition of a peer recovery support specialist or a recovery coach is “an individual with the lived experience of their own recovery journey and wants to assist others who are in the early stages of the healing process from psychic, traumatic and/or substance misuse challenges, thus, this peer can aid and support another peer’s personal recovery journey”. Some certifications for a peer recovery support specialist give an individual the training necessary to work with individuals with a behavioral health disorder or a mental health diagnosis. These certifications include more training on the nature of behavioral health disorders, the medications used to treat these disorders, crisis interventions, life/occupational skills, and trauma informed care. A recovery coach working with people in addiction recovery does not necessarily need these types of training. In this article, I will focus on the recovery coach working with people in recovery from substance misuse.

    The individuals that work with people in recovery from substance misuse are called recovery coaches, as well as peer recovery support specialists (PRSS), peer recovery support practitioners (PRSP), recovery support specialists (RSS), sober companions, recovery associates or quit coaches. In all cases, they support individuals in recovery from addiction(s), which can include alcohol, drugs, gambling, eating disorders as well as other addictive behaviors.

    The basic recovery coaching credential is required. If you want recovery coaching certification, google this term with the region you live in. For addition recovery coaching education, I suggest: adding certification for treating co-occurring disorders, training on the application of Narcan which includes the certification for coaching persons detoxing from an opioid overdose, also certification for counseling individuals in Suboxone or Methadone treatment also called Medication Assisted Treatment (MAT) and Medication Supported Recovery (MSR), certification for spiritual recovery coaches and credentials for coaches working with individuals with behavioral addictions such as sexual compulsivity, internet gaming and gambling disorders. If you would like to work in an inpatient treatment center, drug and alcohol counseling certification maybe required.

    Recovery coaching credentialing has expanded to include coach supervision certification, which is training for individuals who want to manage other recovery coaches. Also there is an elevated level of certification called professional recovery coaching. A professional recovery coach is an individual that has been coaching for several years, has hundreds of coaching hours under their belt, manages other coaches and/or has received other coaching credentials. A professional recovery coach is sometimes referred to as a life recovery coach. A professional recovery coach can receive training from any of the organizations that train peers or recovery coaches, and in addition, they can receive training from the International Coach Federation’s accredited life coach training program or a professional recovery coach certification from Recovery Coaches International. Recently, Connecticut Community of Addiction Recovery (CCAR) has started developing a Professional Coaching Certification.

    Where do you want to work?

    Some recovery coaches seek to work at a recovery community organization (RCOs) or a recovery support center. An RCO is an independent, non-profit organization led and governed by representatives of local communities of recovery. The recovery coaches at these recovery community organizations work with people of all financial means, addicts that are homeless, offenders, even professionals like nurses, teachers, lawyers and highly educated individuals, who have hit bottom. Sometimes, the recovery coaches at these centers receive a salary from the RCO. RCO recovery coaches can also be volunteers, opting to perform their coaching duties for no reimbursement at all.

    Recovery coaches can be employed by treatment centers coaches, developing a coaching relationship with a client outside of the clinical treatment. They can escort a client home from a treatment center and stay with the client for a period of time, insuring they do not relapse after discharge. More half way houses or sober living environments are employing recovery coaches. In fact, many recovery coaches have opened a transitional living home or a supportive sober living environments. They act as a recovery coach and a house manager at the same time, their presence adds to the quality of the recovery experience for the residents. Recovery coaches can work in emergency departments in hospitals, detoxification centers or sobering centers; working with individuals in crisis, either detoxing from an alcohol or opioid overdose.

    Lastly, some recovery coaches run their own coaching business. They will visit clients or talk with them over the phone or on SKYPE. These recovery coaches market themselves by contacting a treatment center’s aftercare coordinator or will seek referrals from therapists. The client is billed directly for the coaching services, there is no insurance coverage for a recovery coach.

    How much do you want to be paid for your services?

    Recovery coaches are paid a variety of rates. A recovery community organization, a treatment center, sober living environment or social services agency recovery coaching rates are from $12-$18 per hour. If a recovery coach receives their salary from a social services agency, or a recovery community organization that agency may have received a grant to run a peer program from the State or Federal government.

    A professional life recovery coach can bill from $35 up to $100 an hour for their coaching services. These professional recovery coaches bill their clients directly and incur expenses for running their coaching practice such as insurance, travel and overhead. This ‘pie in the sky’ $100 per hour fee of a professional recovery coach is not for the inexperienced or newbie coach. There are significant responsibilities a recovery coach has for their client, primarily keeping them free from relapse or overdose, or in other words- keeping them alive.

    Soon, there will be reimbursement from health insurance companies for recovery coaching for individuals who are diagnosed as dependent on a substance. New York has an arrangement with the state’s Medicaid offices to reimburse for recovery coaching for individuals who are diagnosed as dependent on a substance. Other states, Tennessee, Pennsylvania, Maryland and Massachusetts, are formulating similar Medicaid payment plans, but these reimbursements are not yet in place. However, currently, private independent health insurance companies do not cover the services of a recovery coach working with an individual in recovery from an addiction.

    In less than five years the field of recovery coaching has grown significantly. With the advent of the Affordable Care Act and the legislation to fight addiction, the 21st Century CURES and the CARA Acts, recovery coaching is now recognized as one of the most important tools to initiate and maintain long term recovery. This recognition will continue as the benefits from recovery coaching continue to be realized.

     

  • Addicted to Porn: Chasing the Cardboard Butterfly

    Addicted to Porn: Chasing the Cardboard Butterfly is a new documentary by writer-director Justin Hunt and is narrated by Metallica’s James Hetfield.

    The movie is not about James Hetfield. Hetfield’s connection to the film is solely based on his connection with Hunt after the two worked on Hunt’s previous film Absent, a documentary about disengaged and absent fathers. Hetfield, who grew up without a father, spoke candidly in that movie—about his road to recovery.

    Hunt named the film as a nod to a scientific study where painted cardboard butterflies were used to see if male butterflies would be more attracted to the larger, more ornate butterflies. Guess what? They were. The analogy? Humans who choose a two-dimensional sexual exchange versus the real thing.

    There is no sex or porn education in schools, so porno films are serving as the only educator kids can find on sex. Then, guess what? Kids get into relationships and try to do what they see in porn, and think that is the way to be sexual, romantic or intimate. Well, it doesn’t work that way.

    Don Hilton, the neurologist in the film, explained that viewing porn can create the same chemical reaction as cocaine use—activating endorphins and the delta FosB. “The reason I wanted to include the portion about the brain in the film,” Hunt told writer, Dorri Olds for an exclusive interview published in theFix.com, “was because many try to discredit the idea of an addiction to porn.” He described naysayers who said porn is impossible to define. “An image I think is pornographic may not be to somebody else,” said Hunt, “so I had to come up with a common denominator. For the purpose of this film, the word ‘pornography’ refers to sexual images that cause the chemical reaction in the viewer’s brain.”

    It’s easy to draw parallels to alcohol and drug addiction. Another parallel is what Hunt called the shame cycle. Porn addicts use sexually explicit images to manage their mood. After indulging in the compulsive behavior, they then feel ashamed. That shame creates anxiety, so they watch more porn to calm their nerves. It is the same circular shame spiral that exists in substance abuse.

    Hunt said, “I’ve interviewed people who said, ‘The only way I knew how to stop feeling bad was to look at porn, but the reason I felt so bad was that I’d looked at too much porn.’ My first film, American Meth, was about drug addiction.

    “By the way, Absent wasn’t about James Hetfield—it was about the impact of absent fathers. You can have that father wound and turn it into something positive, like James did with his music. While we were making that movie, we built a friendship based on paternity—or should I say, the fraternity of fatherhood. [Laughs] We talked about our kids, parenting, being husbands, so when I discussed this project with him we both felt it was important to try to make a difference in the world. That’s why he decided to be a part of this and help me out. I commend him because he did this right as the band’s new album was coming out and touring. It’s not like he was sitting around with nothing to do.”

    There have been many movies about porn, but they’ve been about the industry, about adult film stars. Those weren’t about the brain or what Hunt calls the “porn progression.” Another remarkable aspect is that he created the whole movie without any provocative imagery. I asked him if that was intentional to avoid including any possible triggers for pornography addicts.

    “Yes, a big problem with documentaries about porn is that people struggling with that issue can’t watch those films because they become triggered. You can’t make a movie to help people with an addiction, and then fill it full of triggers. That’s like me saying, ‘Dorri, I think you have a drinking problem, let’s go have a beer and talk about it.’”

    The movie is not anti-porn. Hunt calls it “porn informative.” He believes the topic should be more openly talked about. Hunt said, “We’re just letting you know that porn addiction is a real thing and we need to start having conversations about it.”

    Another important issue the film raises is how technology is allowing people to be exposed at an earlier age and at a much higher rate. “We know how it affects the brain and we know that young kids’ brains are not ready for that. They get into public schools and public education, but there is no education on sex or porn so the porno films are serving as the educator. Then, guess what? They get into relationships and try to do what they see in porn, and it doesn’t work that way.”

    The movie shows one couple whose relationship is being destroyed by the husband’s addiction to porn. Hunt said this could have easily been a seven-hour movie. “There are so many different avenues that we could have gone down,” said Hunt. To fit everything into a movie-length film, Hunt said his goal was to expose people to the idea that kids are learning about intimacy and sexuality from porn. A doctor in the film points out, “Kids are learning about sex from ejaculations to the face. That’s what they’re learning about sex and romance and intimacy.”

    Hunt has three children, 16 and 13, and a three-year-old daughter. I asked if he had broached the topics of drugs, alcohol, and pornography with the two teenagers.

    “Yeah,” said Hunt. “They’ve been with me through the entire process of working on these films, and they’ve been on stage with me and they’ve watched me speak. They’ve watched the newspaper and the magazine articles come out. They’ve gone to radio spots with me, so they’ve seen this. They’ve seen the impact that drug addiction has, and they’ve seen the four-year process of making this film and what porn can do. That’s one of the beautiful side effects of what I do for a living—my kids get to see and learn.”

    It seems his kids are open with him. “My daughter is in eighth grade and she told me that she knows of sixth graders who are texting nude photos of each other back and forth on Snapchat.”

    He pointed out that because of technology, “we’re choosing synthetic relationships over authentic relationships. We’re not seeing the beauty in the people before us because we’re buying into the myth of what we’re seeing on computers and smart phones and movies. That’s just sad because we’re missing out. We’re destroying the essence of women and we’re buying into this imitation beauty.”

    He said 88% of the scenes in porn have aggressive behavior of some kind, physically or verbally. The other thing to consider is how many of these films make people seem like objects. They’re objects for release. That’s all they are. And that’s what kids are learning when they’re watching porn in those formative years.

    Hunt said, “When young people are naturally going to want to learn about sex and relationships and sexuality and intimacy, instead of learning courtship and humanity, they learn a selfishness, a way to just get theirs. One of the guys that I interviewed who didn’t make it into the film, was a juvenile therapist. He said there’s a massive increase in anal sex and oral sex amongst teenagers because of porn. They are mimicking what they see.”

    Another part that had to be cut for length reasons was about a porn-addicted pastor. “We had an entire segment on how prevalent porn has become in the church,” said Hunt. “He was busted because his wife had gone away for the weekend at a time when he was really deep in his addiction. While she was gone he’d spent the entire weekend on the computer looking at porn. She got back when he was in bed reading. She tried to get on the computer but it crashed. When she rebooted it, all these sexual images came up. She said, ‘Hey, can you come here for a second?’ He got out of bed in his underwear and went over to her. She said, ‘What’s this?’ And that’s how he was busted; exposed. He’s standing there in his underwear exposed, at the moment his addiction was exposed.”

    At that point Hunt looked at his watch and said, “We’ve been talking for 36 minutes, right? That’s 120 million searches for porn that have happened since you and I began talking.”

    As our conversation was coming to a close, I asked him who his target audience for the film was. He laughed and said, “I’m going to go with a quote from the movie Argo: ‘People with eyes.’ The average age that people start actively looking for porn is about 10 years old. One in three porn addicts are women, 58% of divorces cite porn as one of the reasons, and 67% of men look at porn once a week at least. It affects the whole human demographic.

    “When you look at someone you can often tell if they’re an alcoholic or a drug addict, but you can’t look at anyone to see if they’re a porn addict. Also, getting back to the topic of the brain, your brain can purge coke when you stop using it. It can purge alcohol. But you can’t purge these pornographic images completely out of your mind.”

    I asked Hunt if he was in recovery from an addiction. “No,” he said, “never done a drug in my life and have never been addicted to anything else either.” So, why did he become interested in addiction? “I saw people facing problems. When we made American Meth, people weren’t talking about the topic all that much. Far Too Far came from what was left over in my brain from making American Meth. I turned it into a narrative that was based on a true story where a woman on meth pulls her ear drum out with pliers because she thinks the FBI is listening to her thoughts. When we made Absent, people weren’t talking about absent fathers like they are now. I hope that my new film will open up a conversation about porn addiction.”

    This article was written by Dorri Olds and was originally published at www.thefix.com on 02/05/17

  • A new ER resource – recovery coaches

    manhattan_bridgeIn Rhode Island, more than 1,000 addicts have been brought from the edge of death due to an opioid overdose, thanks to first-responders and emergency room workers using the new lifesaving drugs Narcan and Naloxone. When patients are overdosing, first-responders or ER nurses administer these new drugs, which reverse an opioid overdose. The ER staff members use it so often it’s become a verb, as in: “we Narcaned him.”

    In 2015, a pilot program to train law enforcement officers to use Narcan and Naloxone prefilled syringes or nasal spray was started in the New Jersey counties of Monmouth and Ocean. It has been successful in reversing over 400 potentially fatal overdoses. Narcan kits are now available in police cars, ambulances, public transportation centers and even at your local CVS. But the growing number of overdoses has stretched the emergency room doctors and nurses to a breaking point.

    When Narcan patients come to the ER, they can be angry and disorientated, when upon waking they find their high is gone. Emergency rooms are handling a lot of overdose patients, and the work can be frustrating. These patients are combative, upset, demeaning, often yelling or physically acting out. ER personnel, not trained in detox reactions, are perplexed. They are being pulled away from the people who have more medically-critical needs.

    In a relatively short period of time, Naloxone and Narcan are emerging as very one-dimensional treatments. They are lifesavers, but don’t treat the real problem that brings the patient into the emergency room. Another similar one-dimensional treatment is using a defibrillator for a heart attack, it saves the life but it doesn’t treat the heart disease. Using Narcan does not treat the disease of addiction.

    As a result, emergency room physicians, first-responders and treatment experts across the country say the same thing, without a mechanism to connect the overdose patients to addiction services, Narcan and Naloxone only create a revolving door in emergency rooms. Some addicts have returned from the edge of death four and five times, thanks to Narcan injections or nasal sprays.

    In Rhode Island’s hospitals, and in hospitals throughout New Hampshire and New Jersey, ER doctors have called on a relatively new resource to help: the recovery coach. These coaches are not ER employees but are part of a new plan to assist ER personnel in dealing with the detoxing victims of an opioid overdose. These recovery coaches work with the detoxing patients, allowing the ER staff to continue with their tasks of treating others that come into an emergency room. These recovery coaches are peers, many of them former addicts trained to work with an overdose patient coming down from the opioid. These coaches are trained to move the patients into long-term treatment programs for their drug addiction.

    “The goal of the LifelineED program is to get individuals who were Narcaned into detox and treatment,” says Sharon Chapman, program supervisor of the LifelineED program at Center for Family Services in Voorhees, NJ. “Our Recovery Coaches and Patient Navigators work with each individual to help get them into a treatment facility. It’s important for these patients to know they’re not alone, we offer support to help the patients and their families as they go through the recovery journey.”

    These recovery coaches offer peer-to-peer support. There’s nothing like being approached by another recovering drug addict who can help you in your time of need, who knows exactly what you’re going through at that moment. Often, they use information and resources that the hospital staff might not have, such as a list of treatment programs, how to go through the intake process, as well as spending time to educate addicts’ families about the treatment process and how to recognize early signs of the addiction. Of course, the patient decides whether they will take part in treatment, but willingness is the strongest when the patient realizes they just have been given a new “lease on life.” Emergency staff acknowledge it’s helpful to have recovery coaches who can spend time with a patient, and can begin moving them into treatment. These coaches know the recovery terrain better than the ER nurses and physicians. Patients have the option to go to a treatment center, or if they choose to go home, they take the recovery coach’s number with them. The recovery coach or the patient navigator will follow up with them, and assists in helping the patient take the next steps towards recovery. Overdose victims are willing to let recovery coaches into their homes to talk about the program immediately after their overdose. Some need time to come to the realization that if they don’t accept the offer of treatment, there may not be another opportunity. Finding the time for a home visit is something that the ER staff could never do.

    Funding for these ER Recovery Coaching programs is popping up all over the United States, since President Obama and Michael Botticelli, the Director of National Drug Control policy, have requested over $1 billion dollars to be placed into the 2017 budget to fight this growing opioid epidemic. This funding request surpasses the $400 million amount Obama signed for in the 2016 budget, which was a jump of $100 million over the 2014 budget, all in hopes of addressing this harrowing epidemic, which has ravaged communities in all corners of the U.S.

    If you are interested in learning more about working in an ER room as a recovery coach, here are some resources:

    Providence Center-AnchorED

    Holly Fitting

    Phone: (401) 528-0123 / Email: hfitting@provcntr.org

    528 North Main Street,

    Providence, RI 02904

    https://providencecenter.org/services/crisis-emergency-care/anchored

    Attn: Melissa Silvey

    311 Route 108,

    Somersworth, NH 03878

    Phone: (603) 516-2562 / Email: info@onevoicenh.org

    Sharon Chapman, Program Supervisor

    108 Somerdale Rd,

    Voorhees NJ 08043

    http://www.centerffs.org/programs/lifelineed

    Phone: (856) 428-5699 x116 / Email: lifelineED@centerffs.org

    Attn.: Michael Santillo

    16 Spring Street

    Paterson, NJ 07501

    Phone: (973) 754-6784

    http://evasvillage.org/recovery-center.shtml

    • Barnabas Health Opioid Overdose Recovery Program

    Phone: (732) 914-3815

    1691 U.S. 9, Toms River, NJ 08754

  • Recovery Coach Training Organizations – Free Listing

    adultlearnersDoes your organization want a free listing for your recovery coaching certification training? Every year this website updates the list of over 300 agencies, organizations and schools that offer certification training for recovery coaches working with people in recovery from addictions. This list receives over 45,000 hits a year. Please fill in the comment section below if you offer certification in recovery coaching, and your organization will be presented in this free listing.

    Provide all of the pertinent information: institution name, address, email, web site, the person in charge of the training registration and their phone number, date of training and costs. Clarify that this training is for recovery coaches working in the addictions field. This listing is free.

    You can fill out the comment section below or send an email to: melissakilleen@mkrecoverycoaching.com

  • Why can’t you do the dishes?

    Guest blogger Jeff Garson from Radical Decency Group shares with us a very common example of a partner or spouse interaction. A husband and wife are about to leave for work and his wife, looking at a sink filled with breakfast dishes, says, “Why can’t you do the dishes?” His response: “Look, I have a really busy morning. I usually do them. Give me a break.”

    What happens next?

    A disagreement and argument.

    Jeff asks “Is our approach to living – are our habits of thinking, doing or saying allowing us, in every interaction, to express our needs in constructive ways and, equally, to hear the needs of others?” Jeff, a therapist and attorney from Philadelphia states we are innately, empathic beings, however, we need some skills that will allow us to more easily and instinctively move toward some more empathetic choices in our interactions.

    In this week’s post, Jeff helps us out with some new choices:

    The formulation sounds simple. But as I have discovered in my work as a psychotherapist and coach, and in my own relationships, its application is frustratingly difficult. The reason? Because, when disagreements arise, we are culturally wired to lapse into the fight or flight ways of being, or the culture’s “compete and win, dominate and control” mindset that has so deeply engrained in our habitual ways of being in the world.

    In this post, I work through one very common example of this phenomenon. A husband is about to leave for work and his wife, looking at a sink filled with breakfast dishes, says, “Why can’t you do the dishes?”

    Even assuming a relatively restrained tone in the “music” of these communications, their fight/flight motivation is unmistakable. Both partners remember the past hurts and will mix it with what just happened, the dirty dishes. Now they are locked into judgment mode; a hallmark of fight or flight mindsets.

    The wife, thinking her words were relatively neutral words, doesn’t realize they are words of judgment and attack: You didn’t do something – something you were supposed to do – and (by reasonable inference) something you all too frequently fail to do.

    nAnd how does the husband respond? Equally focused on the past, he counterattacks. Instead of dealing with the merits of the issue – who should do the dishes and when – a response that would invite further dialogue – he seeks to disqualify his wife’s position: You are wrong on the facts AND emotionally out of line in even raising the issue (“give me a break”).

    What very often happens next is – each person, being subtly attacked, feels disconnected and sore. But the interaction is, in their minds, too minor to be worthy of further discussion. Better to absorb the pain and head to work.

    What could have happened is an honest, problem solving discussion; that is, mutual and authentic exchange. Instead, the couple chooses to get into it, and the far more typical outcome is a cycle of escalating attacks and counter-attacks.

    Her: “You’re always have an excuse!”

    Him: “You never stop complaining, get off my back!!”

    And round and round it goes, until one or both of them goes cold and withdraws; that is, retreats into the flight part of fight or flight. They both go to work; mad.

    When it comes to our romantic partner, most of us have some sense of how to charm and seduce; an unsurprising fact given the endless stream of books, movies, and ads that promote and teach these ways of interacting. And yet, at the same time, we have little guidance in the art of lovingly engaging with our partner at our points of sensitive difference – even though much of the hard work of relationship needs to be done in precisely these small moments.

    So why does this strange dichotomy exist? Why do we, as a culture, neglect this vital relational skill even as we celebrate and promote romantic seduction? Because “charm and seduce” – a wonderful gift, when done with judgment and respect – is also entirely consistent with our culture’s predominant values. In this all too typical version, seduction is an effort, through a series of manipulative moves, to get our partner to feel and act in specific ways; ways that very much suit our purposes – but not necessarily theirs.

    By contrast, a loving engagement with our partner in tense times is the antithesis of this competitive/manipulative mindset. For this reason, the predominant culture has an unacknowledged but powerful interest in minimizing this skill; an interest unerringly reflected in the marginal attention it receives in popular culture.

    Thus, one of the key challenges, implicit in my approach to living is to learn to fight well, weaning ourselves from our current fight or flight ways, replacing them with more mutual and authentic ways of interacting.

    What would that look like? Check out my next post next week.

    Jeff Garson, a psycho -therapist and attorney, is the originator of Radical Decency and his weekly blog called Reflections.

    You can contact Jeff at: wjgarson@thedecencygroup.com or the Decency Group, if you want to be added to the Reflections e-mailing list, at info@thedecencygroup.com.

    The Reflections, published weekly by The Decency Group, explore the philosophy’s application in all areas of living — from the most private and personal to the most public and political. Earlier Reflections blogs are available at www.radcialdecency.com.

  • I am most vulnerable when I am naked

     

    As a recovery coach, I approach my clients as a peer, as someone who has gone through the slings and arrows of addiction and emerged on the other side, in recovery and sober from drugs, alcohol and some behavioral addictions. As a peer I have the experiential knowledge to help my clients walk the pathway to recovery.

    However, there are some clients, I do not seek to help. These clients are the ones that identify as having eating disorders. That is because (I have to be truthful here) I struggle with disordered eating. I am an overeater. Carbohydrates, dairy and processed sugars are my heroin and I have not overcome this addiction.

    I also spent my formative years, in fact up from age one until well into my thirties, in the grips of body dysmorphia. In Wikipedia, body dysmorphia is defined as Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), also known dysmorphic syndrome, a mental disorder characterized by an obsessive preoccupation that some aspect of one’s own appearance, is severely flawed and warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix it. I saw myself as a fat person. When I looked in the mirror I saw a person three or more dress sizes larger than I really was. I thought I was fat, when all along I was a person with a normal sized body.

    What’s Underneath Project

    This blog will not go into my years of body dysmorphia, but on a recent awakening: how to accept me as I am. Just last week, I was viewing a www.thefix.com article on Tallulah Willis, Bruce Willis’ and Demi Moore’s daughter and her recent stay in a treatment center. There was a link to a video of Tallulah that I clicked on. I was introduced to a whole new way of seeing myself, through the “What’s Underneath Project”.

    Seven years ago, Elisa Goodkind, a veteran fashion stylist, and her daughter, Lily Mandelbaum, a former film student, created StyleLikeU as an alternative to the fashion culture’s crippling status quo. Launched in 2009, StyleLikeU is home to a series of intimate video portraits that redefine our culture’s notion of beauty, called the What’s Underneath Project. These simple videos, show unapologetic individuals who are true to themselves in both their style and in their lives. Individuals, gay, straight, recovering from breast cancer or transitioning to their true gender, exude confidence in their own skin. And the viewers are empowered to discover this same sense of confidence and beauty can be their own.

    As I was browsing through the videos, and I clicked on Olivia Campbell’s (a well-known British plus style model) video. I cried when I listened to her journey through bullying and sexual abuse. I came to the realization that I am still beautiful, even though I am over sixty, thanks to Jacky O’Shaughnessy’s video. I was transfixed that her story, was exactly my story, one of poor body image and how it affects my relationships. Jacky’s statement saying she feels the most vulnerable when she is naked in front of a man, and she feels the most beautiful when she is naked in front of a man, was so honest. Because underneath it all, I felt the same thing.

    A Viral Phenomenon

    The What’s Underneath Project strips everyday people and celebrity’s down to their bra and panties to open them up, exploring the power of genuine self-acceptance as they undress. Since its launch in 2014, the response has been monumental. The videos went viral, and has received over 9 million YouTube hits, international press, and fan-mail floods in from people wanting to help, donate funds and participate. The What’s Underneath Project has produced 70 plus videos, ranging from 5 to 15 minutes in length, and has posted them on YouTube.

    In November 2014, the What’s Underneath Project launched a Kickstarter campaign to support the production of a documentary film that will capture this viral video series. The campaign was a wild success and in just 18 days, exceeded the initial goal of $100k. By the end of the month-long campaign, the What’s Underneath Project raised a total of $135,655. The upcoming documentary film is in production and the What’s Underneath Project documentary film will be released in the Spring of 2017.

    The What’s Underneath Project is on the road to becoming a global movement for self-acceptance.

  • The Top Ten Warning Signs You Are Talking to an Online Catfisher-Part 4

     innocence-en-dangerHow can you protect yourself from a Catfisher or an online predator?

    Why do they do what they do? Catfishers want something from you. These are people that are not motivated by love, but are driven by money, perverse sexual desires and criminal intent.

    • Money is usually the first thing predators want from adult contacts
    • They want to win you over and manipulate you, so you begin to desire them in a sexual way and that means you will begin to trust them
    • They will use your photographs and distribute them to other online predators, they will re-post the pictures online in sexual forums or just enjoy your photographs themselves, privately
    • They want to have conversations with you, texting or otherwise, in order to get sexually aroused during the conversation
    • Any of the above contacts will enable these predators to black-mail, extort or rape you

    Scary Stats

    There are some scary statistics on Catfishers or online predators.

    • An estimated 725,000 people are aggressively pursued online for sex or extortion annually in the US
    • In 2005 alone, 25% percent of rapists used online dating sites to find their victims
    • In 2011, the FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center lodged 5,600 complaints from victims of “romance scams” or “catfishers”
    • Reports say victims of these romance scams have lost over fifty million dollars—however authorities know this figure is much higher because many victims are too embarrassed to report the incidents
    • Every 2 minutes a person in America is sexually assaulted
    • 1 out of 4 children in the U.S. have been sent pictures of people who were naked or having sex by an online predator
    • Each year Internet predators commit over 16,000 abductions, over 100 murders, and thousands of rapes
    • Over 39,000 verified Registered Sex Offenders have profiles on social media sites
    • 1 out of 5 kids have been solicited for sex on the Internet
    • 1 out of 4 kids have been contacted online by a person not representing themselves in a true or accurate way
    • Only 25% of kids tell parents or adults about any online encounters
    • 77% of the time, the targets for online predators are usually in the 11-14 year-old-age range
    • 25% of children that were surveyed were exposed to unwanted pornographic material

    Dating Safety Tips

    Online dating often leads to offline dates, which may end up as a successful relationship. However, before you meet someone in person, take all the time you need to get well-acquainted with this person, so there is hopefully nothing to worry about when you meet face-to-face. Sexual assault on a date is definitely not an everyday occurrence, nonetheless, you need to ensure your personal safety when planning to meet someone for a first date. Take the time to really get to know a person and dangerous incidents are less likely to occur.

    The predators need to be exposed, if you or anyone you know has been contacted by an online predator or has received unwanted solicitation from someone online, call the police and notify the social networking site on which the contact was made.

    • NEVER give out your personal information or home address online, even giving out the town you live in can reveal too much information to a predator
    • Don’t reply to social media messages from people you don’t know
    • NEVER meet face-to-face with someone you have just met online, give yourself and the contact at least 3 weeks to get to know each other before a face-to-face is planned
    • Never download image files from an unknown source, they could contain sexually explicit images that could put you in a compromising legal situation
    • Avoid chat rooms or discussion forums that are sexually proactive
    • If you receive uncomfortable or frightening material, end the communication, block the person from contacting you and report them to the dating site or the social networking site
    • If you receive an unwanted solicitation call 911, contact the dating site or the social networking site and report the perpetrator immediately

    Sexual assault and date rape are definitely not common occurrences when meeting an online date. Read and follow the safety advice for first date meetings that have been outlined on your online dating site, so you are well-prepared. In addition, here are some of tips that will be useful too.

    • Always take the time to get well-acquainted with someone before you plan a meeting. Talking to this person online or on the phone for three weeks is a good amount of time to ensure this person is safe to meet
    • Bookend the date, which means you notify a friend where the date is, whom the date is with and when the date starts and then again, contact the same friend when you leave the date, to ensure you are home and are safe
    • Meet in a public place, like a restaurant, coffee shop, and drive your own car or know the public transportation schedule in order to leave to catch the last bus. At no time should this first date drive you home
    • While on the date, always be very aware of your surroundings. Keep an eye on your drink at all times. Date rape drugs are very easy to drop into any drink. Drinking coffee with a lid on the cup is probably your best defense against this kind of occurrence
    • Getting a girl drunk is a common ploy for a predator, so watch how much alcohol you drink. In fact, many online dating site guidelines do not recommend going to a bar or having a drink on the first date
    • Be cautious during your first few meetings with this person. Have the dates in open public places and stay away from dark and deserted situations
    • Never go to this person’s home or to a hotel until months into your dating experience

    What do you do if you have been assaulted?

    If you believe you may be a victim of sexual assault, the first thing you should do is immediately contact the police and report the crime, no matter how small you might think the crime is. It is common for victims to blame themselves in a case of assault, however you must always remember that this predator had absolutely no justification to attack you. It is also very important to protect your health, go to the hospital and request to have a sexual assault forensic exam, the staff will administer some tests that are compiled into what is sometimes known as a “rape kit.” These exams will preserve possible DNA evidence and you will receive important medical care. You don’t have to report the crime to have this exam, but the process gives you the chance to safely store evidence, should you decide to report the crime at a later time.

    • If you feel you cannot handle going to the hospital alone, try asking an understanding family member or friend to escort you to the hospital.
    • If necessary, you can also speak with a rape hotline operator, an experienced therapist or social worker who can help you deal with it. For more information, reference the local hotlines and services that are featured below
    • If you choose not to have a sexual assault forensic exam, it is also a good idea to to go to a clinic or to see a doctor who can test you for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
    • To find a location near you that performs sexual assault forensic exams, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (656-4673) or talk to your local sexual assault service provider

    Here are some National Resources for Victims of a Catfisher

    General Information:

    Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3)                             https://www.ic3.gov/                                                                                                           A partnership between the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and the National White Collar Crime Center (NW3C).

    National Sexual Assault Hotline: National hotline, operated by RAINN, that serves people affected by sexual violence. It automatically routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search your local center here. Hotline: 800.656.HOPE (656-4673)

    National Sexual Violence Resource Center: This site offers a wide variety of information relating to sexual violence including a large legal resource library.

    National Organization for Victim Assistance: Founded in 1975, NOVA is the oldest national victim assistance organization of its type in the United States as the recognized leader in this noble cause.

    National Online Resource Center on Violence Against Women: VAWnet, a project of the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence hosts a resource library home of thousands of materials on violence against women and related issues, with particular attention to its intersections with various forms of oppression.

    U.S. Department of Justice: National Sex Offender Public Website: NSOPW is the only U.S. government Website that links public state, territorial, and tribal sex offender registries from one national search site.

    The National Center for Victims of Crime: The mission of the National Center for Victims of Crime is to forge a national commitment to help victims of crime rebuild their lives. They are dedicated to serving individuals, families, and communities harmed by crime.

    Child Abuse/Sexual Abuse:

    National Child Abuse Hotline: They can provide local referrals for services. A centralized call center provides the caller with the option of talking to a counselor. They are also connected to a language line that can provide service in over 140 languages. Hotline: 800.4.A.CHILD (800-422-2253)

    Darkness to Light: They provide crisis intervention and referral services to children or people affected by sexual abuse of children. Hotline calls are automatically routed to a local center. Helpline: 866.FOR.LIGHT (367.5444)

    Cyber Tip Line: This Tipline is operated by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Can be used to communicate information to the authorities about child pornography or child sex trafficking. Hotline: 800.THE.LOST (800-843-5678)

    National Children’s Alliance: This organization represents the national network of Child Advocacy Centers (CAC). CACs are a multidisciplinary team of law enforcement, mental and physical health practitioners who investigate instances of child physical and sexual abuse. Their website explains the process and has a directory according to geographic location.

    Stop It Now: Provides information to victims and parents/relatives/friends of child sexual abuse. The site also has resources for offender treatment as well as information on recognizing the signs of child sexual abuse. Hotline: 888-PREVENT (888-773-8368)

    Justice for Children: Provides a full range of advocacy services for abused and neglected children.

    Domestic, Dating and Intimate Partner Violence:

    National Domestic Violence Hotline: Through this hotline an advocate can provide local direct service resources (safe-house shelters, transportation, casework assistance) and crisis intervention. Interpreter services available in 170 languages. They also partner with the Abused Deaf Women’s Advocacy Center to provide a videophone option. Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233)

    National Teen Dating Abuse Online Helpline: This online helpline assists teens who are, or may be, in abusive relationships. Call 1-866-331-9474, chat at loveisrespect.org or text “loveis” to 22522, any time, 24/7/365

    Americans Overseas Domestic Violence Crisis Center: The center serves abused Americans, mostly women and children, in both civilian and military populations overseas. In addition to providing domestic violence advocacy, safety planning and case management, the center assists victims with relocation, emergency funds for housing and childcare, and funds for payment of legal fees. International & Toll-Free 866-USWOMEN (866- 879-6636) (Available 24/7/365)

    National Coalition against Domestic Violence: The national coalition of Domestic Violence organizations is dedicated to empowering victims and changing society to a zero tolerance policy. Call the Nat’l #DomesticViolence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (799-7233) if you or someone you love is a victim and needs help

    Incest:

    (See also resources on Child Abuse/ Sexual Abuse above)

    Survivors of Incest Anonymous: They provide information on how to find incest survivor support groups in your area and empowers individuals to become survivors and thrivers.

    GirlThrive: Girlthrive Inc. honors teen girls and young women who have survived incest and all sex abuse through thriverships, opportunity and education.

    Stalking

    Stalking Resource Center: The Stalking Resource Center is a program of the National Center for Victims of Crime. Their website provides statistics on stalking, information on safety planning and other resources.

  • The Top Ten Warning Signs You Are Talking to an Online Catfisher

    manhattan_bridgeAre you talking to someone online? Do you trust them? Could they be a catfisher, a scammer, a scalawag or a con?

    How Monica Draper, a 55-year-old, Ontario-based graphic designer lost $100,000 is not unheard of. How could she fall in love with a notorious, online Lothario, who had an outstanding warrant out for his arrest? Monica accepts that her money is gone. But she is still amazed that the fellow she met on the dating website, Plenty of Fish, was able to so easily abscond with her money, as well as the life savings of at least a half-dozen other women. The truth is she was “catfished.”

    A catfisher is the new name coined to describe a bottom-dwelling human who spends a great deal of time on the Internet in various locations like online dating sites, LinkedIn and Facebook, luring people into romances and then stealing their money. A catfisher uses fake pictures, bogus profiles and cunning manipulation, drawing their victims into a state of trust through infatuation. Often the victim has low self-esteem and insecurity with their image and when a person online appears to be interested in them, bingo, a match is made! The victim falls hard for this Romeo, who they deem out of their league. In truth, the seducer is faking it. And is running this con on other people, as well. In short, a catfisher is a scammer. The prevalence of online dating predators grows more copious every day.

    According to research, 4,288,595 people per month use Match.com, and visit the site a total of 26,200,000 times a month. The total Match.com membership is 15 million people. The total eHarmony membership is 20 million lonely hearts.

    Comparing that to the total number of single people in the United States, which is 54 million, it is not possible that half the single U.S. population has membership in an online dating site! Especially when the trade journal, Online Dating Magazine, estimates that there are more than 2,500 online dating services in the U.S., alone, with 1,000 new online dating services opening every year. Some estimates say there are 8,000 competitors worldwide. That means many people join three or more dating sites.

    On the free dating sites, at least 10 percent of new accounts are from scammers, says Marketdata Enterprise, Inc. Interested in catfishing, anyone?

    Dinner for Six, a matchmaking service in Denver, Colorado, says that 51 percent of online dating members are putting themselves out there as being single, when, in fact, they are in some kind of relationship. According to MSNBC, research shows that 11 percent of people using online dating services are married.

    More than 53 percent of Americans fabricate parts, or all of their dating profile details, according to the Huffington Post. Some lies are so blatant, like weight or height, that their dates can spot the untruths in the first few seconds of meeting them. In fact, a third of those surveyed said falsified information is so prevalent, that it prevents them from going on a second date.

    More than 40 percent of men try to swoon women by lying about their jobs, trying to make their careers sound more prestigious. It makes sense that every woman wants a guy with a great job, for example a guy in the entertainment industry is more interesting than someone selling tickets at the local movie theater. eHarmony mentions that a study found men who reported incomes higher than $250,000 received 156 percent more email than those declaring an income of $50,000. That’s 156 percent more gold-diggers! So guys, think twice about whether you want to post your personal income.

    In 2011, the FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center lodged 5,600 complaints from victims of “romance scams” or “catfishers.” The reporting victims lost over fifty million dollars. But it’s suspected that these numbers are much less than actual, as many people are too embarrassed to come forward.

    In 2005 alone, 25 percent of rapists used online dating sites to find their victims. Let me repeat that: twenty-five percent of rapists used online dating sites to find their victims. Each year Internet predators commit more than 16,000 abductions, 100 murders and thousands of rapes, according to InternetPredatorStat.homestead.com.

    I personally returned to online dating after ending a long-term relationship. With a profile depicting a self-supporting, intelligent woman, I was contacted by ten men, and nine of those contacts were scammers or catfishers. Nine out of ten! That is why I am writing this post — to make people aware of the dangers of online catfishers.

    Next week I will outline some typical characteristics and warning signs of an online scammer and offer suggestions on how to protect yourself from catfishers.

     

     
     

  • Disagreements are normal in relationships

    Expect every relationship to have a disagreement along the way. Disagreements are normal in relationships. Disagreements, however, can trigger other feelings, such as loss of control, powerlessness, or feelings of abuse. Mix into this situation your partner’s personality, the triggers the disagreements bring up for both of you, and a dash of how we saw disagreements resolved in our childhood and you may have a very dysfunctional approach to resolving conflict.

    Are you willing to change? Most importantly, is your partner willing to change, too?

    IntimacySome disagreements are not disagreements but break downs in communication, or misinterpreted statements. Sometimes the way a message is delivered (i.e. in a text or email) can open the door for miscommunication and result in a fight between partners. Your partner may be upset over reading an email, or hearing your message on their voicemail and you may not know why there is such high level of upset. The answer usually is: they misinterpreted your statement.

    Simple miscommunication

    Miscommunication typically results from not explaining yourself clearly, specifically and completely. All very difficult to do in a voice mail, text or email. So make a rule that all difficult conversations be made face to face. Your partner deserves this quality of conversation and you deserve not to be in the realm of upset over this predicament.

    When communicating with your loved one, ask yourself the following, are you:

    1. Communicating with a lack of emotion in your voice?
    2. Leaving out information you assume your partner should know about?
    3. Are you really saying what you want to say?
    4. Is there a hidden agenda lurking behind this communication? Perhaps all of these things you have reviewed, resolved, cleaned up and cleared out. It was a simple miscommunication, end of story. Now, you both can move on to your weekend chores or favorite Netflix program.

    It’s a bigger thing . . .

    If this is more than a miscommunication problem, the next step is picking a time to discuss it, calmly, quietly and with no interruptions. Maybe at lunch on Sunday, or after the kids go to bed, most definitely when both of you have cooled down. Plan on sitting down with your partner and starting with an opening statement affirming your love and commitment to the relationship. Pledge that this meeting is an attempt to change how you communicate. Make fastidious notes regarding your presentation, because you may have to make an appointment with your partner to discuss this again, in a few days. Chances are you will forget all about your thoughts and feelings about this miscommunication, so keep your notes handy. If your partner is not looking you in the eye, or multitasking on their cell phone while you are attempting a conversation, maybe they had some difficulties coming to this meeting. Kindly ask, with a lack of emotion in your voice, the following:

    1. Ask if they heard your request to discuss this problem
    2. If there would be a better time to have this discussion when you could have their full attention
    3. Are they bringing up old resentments from past conflicts, if so, ask them to set these resentments aside for a time
    4. Is something really bothering them about this problem, and would they like to speak first?

    Identify avoidance

    Couples become very good at avoiding conflict. Sometimes one partner is so good at it, they teach the other partner avoidance through osmosis. Soon both partners are adept at sidestepping the real issues, and all conflicts because they won’t like the results. Remember your intimate relationship with your partner is not a win/lose proposition. Avoidance leaves one or both partners feeling unloved, not respected and upset that they are not being “heard.” It is important to work through a few of these exercises, so each partner can realize that discussing and resolving conflict is very important for a healthy, intimate relationship.

    Avoidance looks and feels like this:

    1. You are so resentful at your partner that you are unwilling to do anything to resolve it
    2. All conversations like this devolve into conflict, anger, shouting and negative outcomes
    3. You don’t see any problem to discuss
    4. These meetings are a waste of time, dull boring and I could be mowing the lawn, paying bills or doing the wash instead of doing this
    5. If you have to have these discussions at the therapist’s office, a common thought is, I would rather spend my money on something other than this.

    How to prepare for the meeting to resolve a problem

    Before your meeting, identify your “hot button” issues. You know the ones, identify your pattern in most of your arguments. Does talking about money set you off, does mention of your domineering mother make you defensive, does worrying about your partner leaving you bring up actions you would rather not display (like aggression) or when things aren’t going your way do you start to cry? Review your reactions to your hot-button issues before hand, come up with some solutions to control your reactions (bite your lip, light a cigarette, hold a teddy bear) this will help you cope better during this meeting. Here are some ground rules both you and your partner should read and agree on prior to this meeting:

    1. Pick a time to discuss a problem so it can be resolved. Don’t discuss a problem when either of you are angry
    2. In this discussion, stay focus on the one problem. Use the specific example of your “upset” over this problem. Even if you have to repeat this specific example several times, stay focused
    3. Have a goal in mind when you discuss this problem. What are the changes you hope to make by discussing this problem? Why is it important for you to discuss this problem? Is this problem something you and your partner can change? Can you both commit to the change?
    4. Tell your partner what has upset you and what you are willing to do to change things going forward. Ask your partner what he/she is willing to do or change
    5. Be courteous when speaking to your partner, no back stabbing, knife twisting or “I’m better than you” comments
    6. Express positive messages, focus on the good attributes your partner has. As in the Jungle Book, “Accentuate the positive.” Or as in Mary Poppins, “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.”
    7. Ask for changes to this problem in a positive way, avoid a cynical tone of voice or aggressive body language
    8. Do something nice for your partner, without expecting something in return.
    9. Complain about the things that matter. Attempt to limit your complaints to one thing that will make a difference or has to be acted upon immediately
    10. Let go of the past. Don’t allow yourself to bring up old problems, behaviors or incidents from the past. This will derail this conversation and it will devolve into a shouting match
    11. Be open to compromise. Intimate relationships are not a winner-take-all environment. Be open to your partner’s ideas
    12. Remove ultimatums from your vocabulary. Phrases like “I am leaving you” or “Pack your bags” should be turned into a “Let’s cool down and discuss this at another time.”

    Using these tools to improve your intimate relationship is just like going to a board retreat or a workshop to improve your job performance. Isn’t it worth it to improve your intimate relationship’s performance? To advance change with the person you trust more than your boss, manager or administrator?

    In an intimate relationship, the ultimate goal is not to dominate, control, or win. It is, instead, to create nourishing and mutually supportive intimacy; that is, to fully see your partner and to be fully seen; to be lovingly held by your partner (and vice versa) and to listen to them. The highest priority is on the relationship itself, on creating and maintaining an empathetic, loving environment. Acknowledging there is no boss, no subordinate, no winners, no losers. In other words, an intimate relationship is a place where two people, sometimes being in direct opposition or conflict, ultimately, trust the other’s predominant values enough to find equilibrium.

    Go at it!

  • Improve your relationship intimacy

    Every couple wants to improve the intimacy in their relationship with their partner. How do you do this? Jeff Garson, a community minded attorney, psychotherapist and coach explores improving your communication with your partner to achieve intimacy. Jeff is also the originator of a creative and inspiring initiative called: Radical Decency. Radical Decency is an approach to living that embraces a very different set of values that I call “decency”, it includes respect, understanding and empathy; acceptance and appreciation; fairness and justice. Radical Decency seeks to practice these values “radically”, meaning at all times and in every area of your life. Jeff writes a blog called the Reflections Series, you can visit more of Jeff’s Reflections on his web site  http://www.thedecencygroup.com/ -Melissa Killeen

    Improve your relationship intimacy by not changing the subject

    Written by Jeff Garson, June, 2016

    Senior husband and wife walking along the beach in California

    Make no mistake about it. The mainstream culture’s way out-of-balance emphasis on the values I call “compete and win, dominate and control” thoroughly infiltrates our most intimate relationships.

    At one level, this reality is reasonably well acknowledged, with most of us recognizing its manifestation in patriarchal patterns or in highly conflictual, “War of the Roses” type relationships. But the infiltration of compete and win values into our intimate relationships, go far deeper than is commonly recognized.

    This Reflection provides a key example, examining:

    • Our culturally reinforced habit of reflexively changing the subject, even in our intimate conversations;
    • The price we pay as a result; and
    • The powerful positive effects that result when we commit ourselves to breaking this unfortunate habit.

    Intimate versus strategic relationships

    Intimate relationships are different – very different – from the more “strategic” relationships that are the norm “out there, in the real world.” See Reflection #44, Intimate vs. Strategic Relationships.

    In a typical strategic interaction, a department head convenes a staff meeting at 1 pm and a vigorous exchange ensues. Now, at 2:59, the department head ends the discussion, makes her decision, and the rest of the staff is expected to fall in line.

    In an intimate interaction, by contrast, a husband and wife sit down at 1 p.m. to discuss where to send their son to school. Now, at 2:59, with no meeting of the minds, what happens? The decision is deferred. The couple keeps talking.

    The difference? The priority, in the first scenario, is on achieving a goal – getting something done. And the relationship is authoritarian: What the boss says goes. For these reasons, it is fully in tune with the culture’s predominant compete and win values.

    The second scenario, however, is very different. Here, the highest priority is on the relationship itself, on creating and maintaining an empathic, loving relationship. And there is no boss, no subordinate, no winners, no losers. In other words, done right, an intimate relationship is antithetical to and, ultimately, deeply subversive of the culture’s predominant values.

    Unfortunately, high schools and colleges don’t teach us how to conduct the intimate relationships around which most all of us organize our lives, focusing instead on what they (presumably) see as the more important stuff. And so, expected to “just know” how to do it, we seldom reflect on how different our intimate relationships are from our other, “out there, in the real world” relationships – or on the implications of those differences.

    The result? We muddle through. And muddling through, we import into our interactions with our loved ones the compete and win values in which, living in our culture, we are so deeply immersed.

    To illustrate, consider the following hypothetical keeping in mind that, while I am dealing with a married couple, the principles I describe are applicable in any intimate relationship.

    A woman comes home after a busy day at work and, noticing the dirty breakfast dishes, still in the sink, says to her partner in an irritated voice: “Why can’t you clean the dishes?”

    Here are some of the typical responses that have been reported, over and over again, by women in my practice (and, regrettably, that have come out of my own mouth as well):

    1. “Those aren’t my dishes. I cleaned mine”; or
    2. “It’s no big deal. Why do you have to criticize me?”; or
    3. “You’re one to talk, how many times have I had to clean up your messes”; or
    4. With body language that reeks of annoyance, silent attendance to the chore.

    And, needless to say, similar scenarios regularly unfold in reverse as well, with the woman in the reactive role.

    Changing the subject

    One very pertinent example of this phenomenon is our tendency, even in our most intimate relationships, to change the subject, quickly and repeatedly; a habit of mind that, because it is so engrained in our taken for granted ways of being, more typically operates entirely outside our awareness.

    Despite years of work with couples – and on my own marriage – this congenital “change the subject” reality never occurred to me until recently. The reason, I think, is because of our deep, culture-wide confusion about what intimate relationship is all about; a confusion that, not surprisingly, has slowed my own growth since, as one of my formative teachers, Vikki Reynolds, once memorably said, “we are all in the dirty bathtub.”

    With a moment’s reflection, most of us will realize that these responses are unlikely to promote loving interactions as the day or evening proceeds. But few of us understand the fundamental trap that we have fallen into: We have unwittingly replicated the cultures compete and win values in this, their most intimate relationship. Here’s how.

    The woman’s irritation brings with it an implicit assertion of domination and control. And he, rising to this provocation, seeks to turn back her perceived bid for control by:

    • Avoiding responsibility (responses 1 and 2);
    • Invalidating her right to feel the way she does (response 3); or
    • Signaling a refusal to submit with reluctant compliance (response 4).

    In an intimate relationship, the ultimate goal is not to dominate, control, or win. It is, instead, to create nourishing and mutually supportive intimacy; that is, to fully see your partner and to be fully seen; to have all that you are, lovingly held by your partner (and vice versa).

    In furtherance of this goal, your initial, highest priority as you talk with your partner should be on taking in all that he or she is saying – that is, on listening. And this understanding leads directly to this simple, but vital guideline:

    When he or she speaks, never change the subject.

    Instead, stick to the issue your partner raises – in our example, getting the morning dishes cleaned. Listen fully. And, importantly, let your partner know that he or she has been fully heard. Then, and only then, think about adding a thought of your own (and then, perhaps, if the issue is a sensitive one, only after you have asked if a change of subject is ok).

    So, while a mea culpa (“I’m sorry”) or the offer of corrective action (“I’ll to get them right away”) would certainly be constructive, the essence of “never change the subject” is this simple statement: “You’re right, I didn’t get to them.”

    Note, moreover, that this directive needs to be applied especially when your partner’s words are somewhat provocative, as in our example. Doing so offers the prospect of a meaningful healing moment for your partner since, underneath her annoyance, is almost always a deeper emotional wound – fear of not being appreciated, seen, or heard by you, a panicky sense that with so many things to do she’s losing control, etc.

    What is so cool about this “don’t change the subject” guideline is that, as the listener, you don’t have to analyze or, even, understand your partner’s deeper emotions. All you have to do is give yourself over, fully and warmly, to the issue your partner has raised trusting that, in making that choice, you are likely to be soothing his or her deeper needs and longings.

    On the flip side, notice how the more typical compete and win reactions, outlined in our example, are the very opposite of our “never change the topic” injunction. Instead of discussing the issue she has raised, the partner in our example shifts to another topic entirely, by either:

    • Talking about what he did that morning (response 1):
    • Critiquing her current behavior (responses 2 and 3): or
    • Trumping her subject of choice by raising (nonverbally) a topic of his own, namely his annoyance with her (response 4).

    So, the good news about “never change the subject” is that it does double duty:

    1. Firmly redirecting us toward a more intimate way of relating to our partner; and, at the same time,
    2. Pulling us decisively away from problematic behaviors that our mainstream habits of mind can so easily evoke.

    In closing, here are a few caveats to keep in mind as you apply this guideline.

    Four pillars of a successful relationship

    First, “never change the subject” works best when it isn’t deployed in a tit for tat way; that is, where your willingness to persist is not dependent on your partner doing so in return. On the other hand, intimate relationships thrive on mutuality. So if your partner in intimacy persists in this (and, possibly, other) behaviors that are destructive of intimacy, you may need to rethink, not the wisdom of the injunction but, rather, the wisdom of pursuing deeper levels of intimacy with this person.

    Remember, also, that “never change the subject” is not a magic cure for all that ails our intimate relationships. To the contrary, it needs to be appropriately applied in a complex context that includes many other important considerations.

    This qualifier is especially true when it comes to the choices women make in their relationships with men. While we have made important strides when it comes to patriarchy, these patterns – themselves an important manifestation of our culture’s compete and win mindset – remain deeply imbedded in our relationships.

    For this reason, if a man’s commitment to “never change the subject” is tepid or non-existent, a woman’s unilateral persistence may simply enable his patriarchal ways. At that point, others strategies or, even, a re-evaluation of the relationship may be called for.

    More broadly, intimacy works best when what I call the four pillars of a successful relationship are in place:

     

    Limitations in one or more of these areas will, in turn, qualify the ability of a couple to follow through on this “never change the subject” guideline or, if they do, to reap its rewards.

    For more information, you can go to:

    www.thedecencygroup.com to learn more about Radical Decency
    Or contact Jeff at Garson Counseling Group
    60 Flourtown Road
    Plymouth Meeting, PA 19462
    (215)450-4306
    wjgarson@comcast.net

  • A Call for Clinical Humility in Addiction Treatment

    by William White and video featuring Chris Budnick

    The history of addiction treatment includes a pervasive and cautionary thread: the potential to do great harm in the name of help.  The technical term for such injury, iatrogenesis (physician-caused or treatment-caused illness), spans a broad range of professional actions that with the best of intentions resulted in harm to individuals and families seeking assistance. My recounting of such insults within the history of addiction treatment (see endnotes 1, 2 and 3 below) also includes the observation that such harms are easy to identify retrospectively in earlier eras, but very difficult to see within one’s own era, within one’s own treatment program, and within one’s own clinical practices.

    The challenges for each of us who work in this special service ministry and for william_l_white_portrait_1the specialized industry of addiction treatment include conducting a regular inventory of clinical and administrative policies and practices to identify areas of inadvertent harm, altering conditions linked to such harm, making amends for such injuries, and developing mechanisms to prevent such injuries in the future. In my own professional life, many of the projects in my later career were products of such an inventory and served as a form of amends for actions I took or failed to take in my early career due to lack of awareness or courage. (See endnote 4 and 5 for two vivid examples.)

    There have also been times I have taken the larger field to task for practices I deemed harmful. I have suggested at times that what were perceived as personal failures to achieve lasting recovery could be more aptly characterized as system failures (endnote 6). I have suggested at times that the field was becoming addicted to professional power and money and that the field itself was in need of a recovery process that should include processes of rigorous self-inventory, public confession, and amends (endnote 7 and 8).

    The shift from acute care models of addiction treatment to models of sustained recovery management (RM) and recovery-oriented systems of care (ROSC) involves dramatic changes in clinical practices, including a shift in the basic relationship between the service provider and service recipient. The service relationship within the RM/ROSC models shifts from one dominated and controlled by the professional expert to a sustained recovery support partnership, with the provider serving primarily as a consultant to the service recipient’s own recovery self-management efforts. Those who have made this relational shift inevitably look back on areas of potential harm that emerged from the expert relational model they once practiced. And then the question inevitably arises, “How does one make amends for past harm in the name of help within the context of addiction counseling?”

    Chris Budnick, an addictions professional in North Carolina and founding Board Chair for Recovery Communities of North Carolina, Inc. (RCNC), recently responded to that question by preparing a formal letter of amends to the individuals, families, and communities he has served. Below is the text of that letter, which was presented at the North Carolina Recovery Advocacy Alliance Summit, February 24, 2016. (The link to the video is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5MYhZbnhfU)

    Chris-Budnick LCSW,LCAS,CC,MSWMy name is Chris Budnick and I am a Licensed Clinical Addiction Specialist. I first began working in the addiction treatment and recovery field in 1993. 

    There are many components involved in the broad issue of substance use disorders and recovery. Employers, first responders, the criminal justice system, policy makers, politicians, companies, advertisers, treatment providers, addiction professionals, the recovery community, families, and the individual with the substance use disorder. Of all these components, individuals with substance use disorders face the greatest scrutiny, stigma, discrimination and blame. For too long they have stood alone bearing the full brunt of this responsibility while systems of care and policies impacting housing, education, and employment have largely conspired to undermine any chance of sustaining recovery.

    Last week I found myself approaching a police department to apologize for failing them. When they reached out to us in the middle of the night seeking services for a young woman we told them “no.”  “We can’t help her tonight.”  She was killed within hours of this decision leaving behind a 2-year-old daughter.  I told the officer that we pledge to do better.

    This experience has nudged me to put to paper ideas that I’ve articulated and ideas I’ve only contemplated. I feel compelled as an addiction professional to make amends and pledge to do better.

    While I have changed my attitudes and practices over the years, I have not spoken up to say I’m sorry. So here are the things I want to make amends for:

    • I’m sorry for all the barriers you confront when trying to access help.
    • I’m sorry for contradictory “sobriety” and “active use” requirements you encounter when trying to access services.
    • I’m sorry for the harm that has come to you, your family, your unborn children, and your community when you have not been provided services on demand.
    • I apologize for expecting that you will provide all the motivation to initiate recovery when I have assumed no responsibility for enhancing your readiness for recovery.
    • I am sorry for creating unrealistic expectations of you.
    • I’m sorry for provider success statistics that have misled you and your family.
    • I’m sorry that I have discharged you from treatment for becoming symptomatic. I’m even more sorry, though, for abandoning you at your time of greatest vulnerability. And I am sorry for how this failure has contributed to the heartbreak of your loved ones.
    • I am sorry for abandoning you when you have left treatment, either successfully or unsuccessfully.
    • I am sorry for the irritation in my voice when you have returned following a set-back because you didn’t do everything that I told you to do.
    • I am sorry for my arrogance when I’ve assumed that I am the expert of your life.
    • I am sorry for privately finding satisfaction in your failure because it reinforces the fallacy that I know best and if you just do as I say, you’ll recover.
    • I am sorry for not celebrating as enthusiastically your successes when you have achieved them through a different pathway or style then me.
    • I am sorry for being a silent co-conspirator for the stigma that has resulted in systems of punishment and discriminatory policies and practices.
    • I’m sorry for turning you away from treatment because you’ve “been here too many times.”
    • I’m sorry for not referring you to different services when you have not responded to the services I offer.
    • I am sorry for allowing you to take the blame when treatment did not work instead of defending you because you received an inadequate dose and duration of care.
    • I am sorry for reaping the benefits of recovery yet failing to do everything I can to make sure those benefits are available to anyone, regardless of privilege, socio-economic status, education, employability, and criminal history.
    • I’m sorry for being an addiction professional who has not provided you with the recovery supports needed to sustain recovery. More importantly, I apologize for conspiring through silence and inaction with a system that ill prepares you to achieve success.
    • I’m sorry for not calling to check on you when you don’t show up for treatment. I’m sorry for not calling to support you after you leave treatment.
    • I’m sorry for letting society maintain the belief that you used again because you chose to.
    • I’m sorry for not fighting for adequate treatment and recovery support services. All persons with substance use disorders should be entitled to a minimum of five years of monitoring and recovery support services.
    • I’m sorry for not advocating for you to have opportunities to gain safe and supportive housing and non-exploitive employment.
    • I am sorry for being so self-centered that I only think about you in the context of treatment while failing to fully understand the environmental and social realities of your life and how they will impact your ability to initiate and sustain recovery.
    • I am deeply sorry to your loved ones who have been robbed of chances to have a healthy member of their family. I am deeply sorry to your community, who has been robbed of the gifts that your recovery could have brought them.
    • I’m sorry that systems of control and punishment has been the response to communities of color during drug epidemics.
    • I am sorry that through my silence and inaction that I have contributed to belief that persons with substance use disorders are criminals and should be punished.
    • I am sorry for not speaking as a Recovery Ally to families, friends, neighbors, colleagues, policy makers, and public officials about why I support recovery.
    • I’m sorry for all the things that I have left off this list because I’ve failed to regularly solicit your feedback about how effective I have been in supporting you in your recovery.

          This sorrow is the foundation of my commitment to improve the accessibility, affordability, and quality of addiction treatment and recovery support services and to create the community space in which long-term personal and family recovery can flourish.

                                  -Chris Budnick, Licensed Clinical Addiction Specialist

    This is a remarkable statement worthy of emulation. I look forward to the day when leaders prepare such a statement of amends to individuals, families, and communities on behalf of American addiction treatment institutions. I look forward to the day when clinical humility becomes a foundational ethic guiding the practice of addiction counseling.  WW

    I honor and applaud Bill and Chris for bringing this message to clinical professionals across the nation. It is time to shed and change these old models that have not been working and embrace these new tenants that Bill, Chris and many others espouse.  Truly such client-centered treatment can change the course of recovery for many. MK


    End Notes

    This post was previously published on William White’s web site- www.williamwhitepapers.com on April 29, 2016. William White and Chris Budnick authorized this reposting.

    Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5MYhZbnhfU

  • How Adverse Childhood Experiences affects long term health – a TED MED Talk by Dr. Nadine Burke Harris

    Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, during her TED-Med talk presents the benefits of the Adverse Childhood Experience study and the substantiated affects the study has brought forth on how childhood trauma can impact the quality of one’s health and length of a person’s lifespan. The San Francisco based pediatrician explains that the repeated stress of abuse, experience of neglect and living with parents struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues has real, tangible effects on the development of a child’s brain. The ACE study concludes that those who’ve experienced chronic, and high levels of trauma are at triple the risk for heart disease, addictions and lung cancer. She gives an impassioned plea for clinicians to use the Adverse Childhood Experiences questions during intake on all of their patients and confront the prevention and treatment of trauma, head-on.

     

  • K9-Free and Effective Porn Blocker for MacBook and iPhones

    block porn


    As a recovery coach, I have been asked by many a porn addict, “what is an effective block to use on their digital equipment?” I say K9. The added bonus – K9  is free. But it is difficult to install. Fortunately, Dr Todd Love, PsyD, JD, MBA, LPC, CSAT, S-PSB, DCC has perfected downloading and installing the highly recommended K9 Web Protection app on Apple products, including MAC computers, MacBooks, iPads and iPhones. Dr Love wants to share this with you.

    Dr. Love is a former IT professional (nearly 15 years as a corporate techie before becoming a psychologist). He specializes in treating cybersex addicts in his practice. Dr. Love has spent years and years (and years and years), setting-up blocks on clients’ systems and then had these clients find ways around the block. The result, in his expert opinion, is a HIGHLY robust and effective, porn-blocking tool.

    For myriad valid reasons, we all spend a large proportion of our time online. So the concept of not having Internet access is antediluvian. Further, using an archaic flip phone is not an option for a career professional in today’s world. Dr Love’s clients require “fully secured, yet fully functional” technology device(s). This is why Dr. Love developed these install instructions for K9.

    Dr. Love is very tech savvy and has documented the K9 configuration for your digital equipment in a 3-part blog series that walks through the details of how to set it up. Below is his personal porn-blocking solution. He has specifically developed a MacBook + iPhone combination that is, in my opinion, really good. It’s somewhat complex, so be prepared. Perhaps invite a geek in a “S” recovery program to assist in the install. The 3-part blog series is on Dr. Love’s website, and the links are below. Feel free to share this information.

    IT is a work in motion, as technology is ever-changing…. Feel free to ask Dr. Love questions, send comments, etc.

    Todd L. Love, PsyD, JD, MBA, LPC, CSAT, S-PSB,

    http://www.doctoddlove.com/about-todd-love/

    todd@doctoddlove.com

    www.doctoddlove.com

    Athens, Georgia

    706-383-7401

  • Others in the Dance of Love….

    Others in the Dance of Love….

    A few more members are joining us in the Dance of Love

    Being AmbivilentLike Goldilocks, women (mostly) are all looking for the “three bears,” all in one man. Not too hot (average looking), not too cold (balanced ego) and is just right (financially self-supporting). Goldilocks often fantasizes that her perfect mate has a little bit of the great characteristics from all of her former lovers, such as from former relationship #1, the characteristic of the caring guy that gives her presents, or the handy man-car mechanic from former relationship #2 or the paternal instincts of former relationship #3. When Love Addicts fantasize about someone, they cannot let it go, even if their love interest is emotionally unavailable or toxic. By toxic, I mean their love interests are abusive, controlling, narcissistic or addicted to something.

    The Torchbearer

    Love Addicts who obsess for years over one person are called “Torchbearers.” This used to be called unrequited love. This kind of love addiction, more than any other, breeds by fantasies and delusions. Flash to the image of a tween’s bedroom with the current teen idol’s poster on her wall. Torchbearers often believe that their infatuation is reciprocated (returned). However, Torchbearers can develop erotomania — a delusion in which a person believes that another person (typically of higher social status) is in love with them.

    The Relationship Addict

    If the Love Addict is not in love anymore, but is just hanging in there for the companionship, they are a Relationship Addict. I describe these in a gender description of a woman, however, these characteristics can exist in a man as well. The non-committed, emotionally unavailable man (love avoidant) pairing with an overly attentive female (love addict) who is willing to hang in there, no matter what, is a surprisingly a common type of relationship. Ever wonder about the woman in a fifty-year marriage to an emotionally distant, overly sports-focused male, and ask “Why?”

    The Player

    Today, we might find an “eager to sow their wild oats” young adult, and describe them as a “player.” Is this person unable to commit to an emotionally intimate partner? Perhaps they are fearful of emotional vulnerability and afraid to get involved in a relationship that may challenge them. By being vulnerable to a mate, would that make them less of an independent person? Again, these descriptions apply to any gender, man or woman. Players are really love ambivalents.

    The Love Ambivalent

    In therapy, ambivalent individuals recall feeling humiliated, at some point, in their young childhood for being too emotional. Parents may have conveyed that “big boys don’t cry” or girls shouldn’t be a “drama queen.” They recall making a silent vow to never display any needs or emotional weaknesses. For them, the sad result is they reject the emotions needed for deep and intimate attachments. They are fearful of chastisement or criticism when they show emotions. They don’t cry at sad movies. They sign birthday cards to their children with a “luv ya.” They are often termed as cold and uncaring. They never share their feelings nor can they ever express their true selves, vulnerable feelings and all. What saves many of these ambivalents, is there is at least one person with whom they can feel safe, a grandfather, an aunt or sometimes a friend.

    When the ambivalent reads about the love addict or love avoidant, they identify with them both, feeling somewhat split, personality-wise, between the two. They want love, but turn away when love gets a bit too intimate. When I refer to love addicts and love avoidants being two sides of the same coin, that coin is really the love ambivalent.

    The love ambivalent eventually tires of running around, ages out of being a player or sees their love interest maturing to the next level of commitment. Fearing being left alone (yes, abandonment plays a large part in an ambivalents’ life, as well) they will commit to the latest person in their lives. This can bring a feeling of relief to the ambivalent’s partner/love addict/love interest, at first. But as the marriage progresses, unless the ambivalent has worked out a better way to communicate, show vulnerability and understand how to be intimate, the ambivalence continues. The partner finds themselves with an unreadable partner on whom they cannot depend for the plain old logistics of family life, let alone their own emotional needs.

    Are you a love ambivalent?

    The challenge is not to overly analyze how you feel or think about your ambivalence but rather to reflect on the various decisions that you make after making a commitment to someone. Consider this: decide daily (and I do mean daily) to be faithful, honest, thoughtful, loving, and so forth — or identify if you choose to run away, pick a fight, or turn to an addiction. Obviously, romantic, intimate relationships should be loving and certainly more good than bad, but expect that sometimes you might act in ambivalent ways with your partner or family. Learn from these situations and improve upon them the next time you encounter a similar situation. Being perfect is being just plain unrealistic. So, be ambivalent, but then decide to behave in ways that are consistent with your new values and emotional commitment.

    Lesson learned.

  • The Dance of the Love Addict and the Love Avoidant

    A love addict knows they do not want an emotionally unavailable partner, and the love avoidant knows they want an emotionally distant mate. Yet, the love addict and love avoidant still end up being attracted to each other.

    The love addict, having experienced childhood emotional and/or physical abandonment, will look for someone who can dance of a love avoidant love addict“rescue” them. The love avoidant, having experienced childhood enmeshment, will look for a person to “rescue.”

    Love avoidants recognize and are attracted to the love addict’s strong need to be rescued, or their fear of being abandoned. Avoidants know that they have control with a love addict. All they have to do to trigger their partner’s abandonment fear by being distant or threatening to leave. Love avoidants, whenever they pull that ‘I am leaving’ trigger, use it so they are in control. This allows them to be distant, to escape and avoid intimacy whenever they want. The avoidant’s behavior makes the love addict do anything to keep the avoidant, anything at any cost in order not to be abandoned. This interplay is what we refer to as “the dance.”

    What does the love addict/love avoidant dance look like?

    The love addict enters any relationship in a haze of fantasy, whereas the love avoidant feels compelled to take care of a person who presents as “needy,” even though the avoidant is unsure of their long-term staying potential in the relationship. The dance of the love addict and love avoidant goes something like this:

    Love Addict: “I am SOOOOO happy…I met this man and he’s everything I’ve always wanted…he has a fantastic job, loves travelling and loves children. We’re trying to see each other every day and I text him every morning, we talk at least 20 times a day… ”

    Avoidant: “I met this girl, I’m not too sure about her, but she’s nice, I mean…I may as well give it a try…”

    The love addict uses denial to protect their addictive rituals and fantasies, not wanting to look at the avoidant building up walls and starting to back away. The love avoidant, in order not to be controlled and to fulfil his or her duty, appears to be two things: being available to help, maybe even being sexually available, but hiding behind a wall that protects the avoidant from any emotional connection.

    Love Addict: “It’s great, I mean, he works a lot – weekends included – and with his volunteer commitments, we don’t spend a lot of time together but that’s okay….Guess what? He’s invited me for a get-away weekend at the beach!

    Avoidant: “OK…I’d better give her something or she’s really going to get mad….I’m going to send her flowers and maybe book a hotel room at the beach….”

    Something happens and reality comes crashing in on the love addict, the fantasy of a relationship with the perfect person is destroyed. The love addict enters  emotional withdrawal from the fantasy and in this withdrawal phase they experience an overwhelming sense of pain, shame, rage or panic. At the same time, the love avoidant starts to feel controlled or smothered. An entitlement characteristic comes forth and the avoidant says they deserve their independence, their life, they have work or family responsibilities, etc. The avoidant turns from the white knight into a wall of brick.

    Love Addict: “You’ll never believe it…first he said he’d phone me and then he didn’t. At the last minute, he cancelled the weekend at the beach because he needed to work… I don’t know how I can get through this: I feel rejected, abandoned, alone.

    Avoidant: “I can’t believe she’s so angry about me cancelling the trip… I have to work. Where does she think the money comes from for the gifts, the dinners, the flowers? I’m through with her, I am done, this relationship is too much work….”

    To return to the fantasy, and avoid feeling this sense of helplessness and hopelessness, the love addict either medicates, obsesses about the person or starts getting even. The love avoidant begins to feel hurt, and remembers that this is why he choose not to get close in a relationship, they create distance, and wants to numb out. The avoidant will numb out by creating an intensity outside of the relationship, often with substances, risk taking, or by sexually acting out.

    Love Addict: “I’m useless and I will die alone as a bag lady, and homeless. No one wants me. How am I going to live on my own? Maybe if I change, if I go on a diet, say I am sorry…”

    Avoidant: “I can’t breathe anymore… She is always telling me what she needs, wants… Gee, I need some space…I need to relax… I’ll just have this one drink (or joint, affair, etc.).”

    The final part of the dance is for the love addict to return to the fantasy with the same love avoidant partner or find a new love interest…and for the love avoidant they will either return to the relationship with the love addict because they subconsciously fear being alone, and return out of guilt, or they will move on to a new partner.

    Love Addict: “He called me, it’s fantastic! I think he is going to ask me to marry him!” or “You won’t believe it, I met a new guy, he just split up with someone…”

    Avoidant: “If I ask her to marry me, she’ll forgive me for my affair…” or “I can’t handle her anymore…so I met this girl last night…”

    What if you identify with the love addict or the love avoidant ?

    The love addict has a conscious fear of being abandoned and a subconscious fear of being controlled. In contrast, the love avoidant has a conscious fear of being controlled and a subconscious fear of being abandoned. They are two sides of the same coin. Both have experienced childhood trauma, both need to learn about how to face their fears, and their abandonment traumas. Both need to embrace a desire to achieve healthy intimacy with their partner.

    If you find yourself enmeshed in this ‘Dance”, consider speaking to a professional. The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health has certified therapists in your area that may be able to help.

     

  • Child Pornography – Part Three

    manhattan_bridgeWill an offender that views child pornograhy become a ‘hands on’ offender?

    The Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers is an international, multi-disciplinary organization dedicated to preventing sexual abuse. In a report adopted by the ATSA Executive Board of Directors on September 7, 2010 it was found that there is increasing attention paid to Internet-facilitated sexual offending. Internet-related sexual offending includes different crimes, including: viewing, trading, or producing child pornography to be traded or posted on-line. Others use the Internet to make contact with a child, or adolescent, these offenders are often called ‘hands on’ or ‘contact’ offenders. These offenders seek to contact vulnerable persons for sexual chats (electronic correspondence), exploitation such as convincing a child to view or produce pornographic images (e.g., having the child take and email a nude picture of him/herself), or to arrange face-to-face meetings to commit sexual offenses (sometimes referred to as “luring” or “traveler” offending) .

    The vast majority of these ‘contact’ abuses against minors are from either a family member, or someone the child knows such as a family friend, coach, teacher or church leader, according to Dr. Fred Berlin, founder and director of the Johns Hopkins Sexual Disorders Clinic in Baltimore. Whereas the viewer of child pornography remains anonymous.

    That is not to say there is not a significant amount of psychological damage is perpetrated on children during the production and subsequent constant viewing of child pornography. Incredible and devastating harm is done to these young children that requires years of counseling and treatment in order for these young victims to heal, if they can ever heal. It is the point of this blog, to clarify that viewers of child pornography often do not move on to being ‘contact’ offenders.

    It is a primary concern for professionals who evaluate and treat Internet-facilitated sexual offenders to assess the risk these viewers may pose to perpetrate direct contact offenses with victim(s) or to commit future Internet-facilitated sexual offenses such as producing and/or distributing child pornography. Accurate risk assessment is critical to decisions by law enforcement in order to make appropriate recommendations for sentencing, treatment, and level of supervision. Across studies of Internet-facilitated child pornography offenders, approximately one in ten has an officially known history of contacting a child for the purpose of sexual offending . However, the majority of Internet-facilitated sexual offenders have no known history of contact sexual offenses. Some, through self-reporting, suggests these offenders may have committed contact offenses, but never got caught. However unfortunately, there is very little research to assess the risk of viewers of child pornography who have no official history of contact sexual offenses to relapse into contact offenders.

    A follow-up study of offenders that view child pornography suggest these individuals present less risk for any future hands-on offenses, on average, than undifferentiated samples of contact sex offenders . Viewers of child pornography also presented a relatively low risk to commit another child pornography viewing offense. The preliminary results of follow-up research suggest criminal history, self-reported sexual interest in children, and unstable lifestyle (e.g., substance use problems) are factors that identify the likelihood that contact offenders will re-offend. As a result of these risks and unstable lifestyles, 8.5% of the offender population are more likely commit a contact sexual offense in the future .

    Possession of child pornography is a felony under federal law and in every state. If you know of anyone producing or promoting child pornography, please report them through the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children’s CyberTipline: 1 (800) 843-5678. If you are concerned about what you or a loved one has been looking at while online, seek the help of a professional who specializes in this area.

    References used in this blog:


    Motivans, M., & Kyckelhahn, T. (2007). Federal prosecution of child sex exploitation offenders, 2006 (Report No. NCJ 219412). Bureau of Justice Statistics Bulletin. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs.

    Seto, M.C., Hanson, R.K., and Babchishin, K.M. (in press). Contact Sexual Offending By Men with Online Sexual Offenses. Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment.

    Seto, M. C., & Eke, A. W. (2005). The future offending of child pornography offenders. Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment, 17, 201-210

    Wolak, J., Finkelhor, D., Mitchell, K. J., & Ybarra, M. L. (2008). Online “predators” and their victims: Myths, realities, and implications for prevention and treatment. American Psychologist, 63, 111-128.

    The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH) is a nonprofit multidisciplinary organization dedicated to scholarship, training, and resources for promoting sexual health and overcoming problematic sexual behaviors. SASH is the only organization dedicated specifically to helping those who suffer from out of control sexual behavior. http://sash.net/?q=about-us

    National Center for Missing & Exploited Children’s CyberTipline: 1 (800) 843-5678 The CyberTipline is operated in partnership with the FBI, Immigration and Customs Enforcement, U.S. Postal Inspection Service, U.S. Secret Service, military criminal investigative organizations, U.S. Department of Justice, Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force program, as well as other state and local law enforcement agencies.

    Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers is an international, multi-disciplinary organization dedicated to preventing sexual abuse. Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers offers symposia, workshop presentations, discussion groups, and advanced clinics relating to issues in both victim and perpetrator research and treatment at an annual conference in November 2016.