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Tag: Addiction

Addiction

  • Getting through the tough times

    As a recovery coach, I often see my clients need help getting through the tough times, without using, picking up or acting out. Recently, I personally encountered some rough patches in my life, so, I went to my library of recovery books. Several years ago, when I was experiencing trouble living life on life’s terms, I became an avid reader of Pema Chodron.

    Pema Chodron Celebrates her 80th Year

    Pema Chodron, is a Buddhist nun, she was born in 1936, in New York City, and is celebrating her 80th year. After a divorce, in her mid-thirties, Pema traveled to the French Alps and encountered Buddhist teacher Lama Chime Rinpoche, and she studied with him for several years. She became a novice Buddhist nun in 1974. Pema moved to rural Cape Breton, Nova Scotia in 1984, ­­­to be the director of Gampo Abbey and worked to establish a place to teach the Buddhist monastic traditions (waking before sunrise, chanting scriptures, daily chores, communal meals and providing blessings for the laity). In Nova Scotia and through the Chodron Foundation, she works with others, sharing her ideas and teachings. She has written several books, and in my time of deep spiritual need, I went to her book “When Things Fall Apart”.

    A Compassionate Tool

    Drawn from traditional Buddhist wisdom, Pema’s radical and compassionate advice for what to do when things fall apart in our lives helped me. There is not only one approach to suffering that is of lasting benefit, Pema teaches several approaches that involve moving toward the painful situation and relaxing us to realize the essential groundlessness of our situation. It is in this book, I discovered a simple breathing exercise, I can use during these chaotic times so I can move into a better space. Pema advocates this tool as a breathing exercise, although this exercise could also be considered a mindful meditation.

    I use Chodron’s tool whenever and wherever life hits me below the belt. I share this tool with my clients. It is all about breathing and consciously repeating words to yourself to accompany the breathing. Since we breathe every day, it is indiscernible whether you are using this tool as you travel on the bus commuting home from work, in a conference room with your boss, or when you are feeling low and want to curl up in a ball and die.

    Breathe

    Breathe. Pema explains in her book, when things get way too complicated; step back and breathe. When the force of the world, the politics of the U.S., Great Britain or Italy start weighing heavily on your mind, breathe. When you look at all the pain around you and feel powerless to do anything, breathe.

    Pema explains, inhale and say silently to yourself breathe in the pain, then exhale and say breathe out relief. Then, inhale, and say silently to yourself breathe in the relief, and exhale and say breathe out the pain. I find I need about 15 minutes of conscious breathing, breathing in the pain and breathing out relief, works for me. After doing this, I find I have new energy or something else crosses my path to move me into a more uplifting space.

    Chodron’s exercise places me in a space I need to be. If I continue to be in that “negative space” of worry or feeling powerless, then absolutely nothing will be accomplished that day. I know we all have something to accomplish every day, whether it is just getting out of bed, taking a shower and brushing our teeth or running a Fortune 500 company, this exercise gets us from zero to ten in fifteen minutes. It is the boost we need.

     So, I invite you to try this simple exercise…and remember…keep breathing

     

  • On the Nature of Addiction and the Loss of Hope

    On the Nature of Addiction and the Loss of Hope

    Guest post by David Chapman

    The normal state of a productive and happy human existence includes a sense of hope. Dave Chapman block golf shirtThe  nature of addiction exhausts all sense of hope.

    The sense of hope is based on the understanding that the process of productive effort usually results in some observable, measurable improvement in the quality of one’s life and the lives of those important to the individual. The nature of having an addiction means the loss of this hope.

    “I will restore my own sense of hope. I know if I exert control over my environment and my actions I will regain control of my life and I will have reason to be hopeful once more.”

    If I chop some large amount of dry wood and keep it dry, my family and I will be warmed throughout the winter, our ability to survive the winter and the possibility of our thriving in the spring will be augmented. The hope of minimizing suffering, increasing comfort and sustaining enhancements in the quality of our lives is significantly based on the belief that the productive effort is worthwhile and that similar efforts in the future will also be worthwhile.

     

    The act of putting rational expectation – hope – into productive effort is based initially on trial and error. As demonstrated by observation and experience, it is then continued in the manner found to be most efficient.

    I contend that addiction is more than chemical dependence. It is significantly, I believe, fueled by a sense of hopelessness resulting from the brutalization of our rational, reasonable expectations.

    Children who are raised in emotionally irrational or physically violent households have their natural sense of hope altered and sometimes, sadly, destroyed altogether. Hope is similarly damaged in an adult body politic where effort goes unrewarded beyond a level of primitive sustenance and/or when participation in the political process is deemed to be futile and ineffective.

    When we attempt to adjust our behavior to what we think are the demands or desires of those exerting control of our physical and intellectual environment, but those irrational behaviors continue, the ensuing sense of hopelessness – hopelessness based on rational observation – will continue and can threaten to become permanent.

    The addicted personality may be able to overcome a physical addiction. However, until a sense of rational hopefulness is restored and we can believe that our thoughts and actions will have a beneficial impact on our lives, the spiritual addiction will probably not be overcome.

     

    Dave Chapman is our guest blogger this week. Dave was born in Newark, New Jersey and grew up in the suburban town of Glen Ridge, New Jersey. He has been a shoe shine boy, a moving man, a golf caddy, a limousine driver, a truck driver, worked retail at The Home Depot, a life insurance agent, a stock broker and financial advisor. He studied the humanities and comparative literature at Ohio Wesleyan University. In addition to his motivational speaking and John Maxwell coaching affiliation, Dave is a freelance writer and teaches several classes in the Humanities as an Adjunct Professor at the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute at Rutgers University. He can be contacted by email at: davechapman@wellsaiddave.com

     

  • Addiction is a Symptom of Untreated Trauma

    manhattan_bridgeI am a recovery coach. A recovery coach or sober companion is often called in to work with the most difficult addict, the chronic relapser. A chronic relapser is an individual that has been to several rehabs, often 7, 8 or 9 visits in less than five years. Who has not been able to put together 90 sober days, except in treatment. Whose family, spouse or children have given up on them. In reality, a chronic relapser is an addict that is acting out compulsively in their addiction. The chronic relapsing in their addiction is a sign or a symptom of an unresolved traumatic occurrence in their youth. Their addiction is a symptom of untreated trauma.

    Often, calling a recovery coach is the last resort.

    My first job, of course, is to make sure this person doesn’t drink, use or act out. And to find some redeeming qualities of this addicted person so I can approach healing the behaviors driving the addiction. This is the key point that brought me to the understanding that many of my clients have experienced some form of trauma, early in their childhood or adolescent lives.

    “What is addiction, really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us about a plight that must be understood.”    — Alice Miller, author of Breaking down the Wall of Silence

    I always ask the client for their story. I provide all of my clients the ACE study questions. ACE means Adverse Childhood Experiences. The ACE study is an ongoing collaboration between the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and Kaiser Permanente’s Health Appraisal Clinic in San Diego. It started in 1976 with the purpose of finding more about childhood trauma, and the later-life health and well-being of participants. (For more information on ACE, see my blog post dated August 20, 2015). The ACE study poses such questions as: Did you move a lot? Did you ever go hungry? Did you experience a childhood that was less than nurturing? Did you ever have a moment that overwhelmed you? Did you live through an ordeal that changed how you think about people, places or things? The results of the ACE questions, and the addict’s story that comes after it, always profoundly moves me. I get a much more honest story than most clinicians, mainly because of these questions.

    The reason it’s significant for me to identify and acknowledge trauma, is because research proves that trauma can activate behaviors that lead to addiction. My clients are using a drug or alcohol as a way of self-protection, of calming down, as life preservation. Everyone in the rooms (AA, NA meetings) knows addicts “use” in order to “numb out.” Well, let’s rethink that, turning it a bit to say: victims of trauma are really using a drug or drink to:

    • Stay safe: After trauma the addict’s own mind can feel like a danger zone, which makes being “out of it” feel safer than being in it.
    • Escape memories: Unwanted and unresolved memories have a way of popping up incessantly after trauma; addictions offer the mind a different area of, or reduced capacity for focus that helps suppress reminiscing.
    • Soothe pain: Substances or the adrenalin rush of self-destructive behaviors change the addict’s body chemistry, releasing endorphins and other mood enhancers that reduce discomfort.
    • Be in control: Sometimes, engaging in addictive behaviors can lead an addict to feel strong, resilient and courageous, an experience that is tremendously alluring when trauma from the past intrudes on the present.
    • Create a world the addict can tolerate: The intense feelings brought on by fear, memories and anxiety can make any moment seem overwhelming. The release of tension brought on by addiction-oriented behavior helps facilitate a manageable experience.
    • Treat yourself the way you feel you deserve: Trauma can leave an addict feeling less-than, worthless, hopeless, and damaged. The more self-destructive the addict behaves, the more it can feel like he or she is living in alignment with who they truly are. While this is false, it can help reduce feelings of otherness and disconnection.
    • Redefine who the addict really is: Trauma changes an addict’s identity all the way down to the core of their beliefs and self-definition. It can seem as if no one understands them. Engaging in addictions can help create a sense of community by connecting the addict to others who feel, see, think and behave as they do. Addictions can help the addict revise their self-perception by allowing them to engage in and act out behaviors that allow them to feel stronger, more courageous, capable, etc., than trauma has left them feeling.[1]

    This puts the addiction-trauma link into perfect perspective for me, and I hope it opens some eyes for other addicts, alcoholics, and clinicians that are reading this post. Next week’s post will go on to explain the scientific research that backs up this discovery that addiction is just a symptom of untreated trauma.

    Research used in this blog:

    Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/acestudy/about.html

    Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, Posted on August 20, 2015 by Melissa Killeen, http://www.mkrecoverycoaching.com

    [1] Trauma and Addiction: 7 Reasons Your Habit Makes Perfect Sense, by Michele Rosenthal. Published on March 30, 2015 in Behavioral Health, Living in Recovery, Living with Addiction and at http://www.recovery.org

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  • Six Signs of Resistance to Change
    and What To Do About Them

    manhattan_bridge_post_versionIt is hard seeing your client struggle through resistance to change. Facing a difficult emotional experience, and at the same time, wanting to escape it. Struggling in sobriety, mourning the loss of the addiction, a job, maybe even their family. They are thinking they are of little worth, while working on some of the hardest challenges they have ever faced. Yes, it is hard for the coach to keep pushing; it is just as hard for the client to keep showing up for the appointments and completing the homework assignments. But push we must and the following paragraphs explain why.

    I have a 35-year-old male client with 120 days clean. I can see this change is extremely hard for my client to move through. He has commented that it is like taking a college course, Change 101. He’d really rather go back and do what he has always done: escape, do drugs, it was easier, he knew how to do it, and at least, he limped along. This is what coaches call resistance to change.

    Expecting resistance and preparing how to deal with it is the most crucial part of developing a plan of change for your client.  In order to forecast any type of resistance, a coach needs to understand the most common reasons people object to change. Below are six examples of the reasons underlying a client’s resistance to change. Some will be artfully combined and the order of their prominence will frequently shift. What‘s imperative is that the coach anticipate each instance of resistance, having ready a response in their back pocket.

    1. Denial — I like to use consequences as the perfect wake-up call to denial. This is my classic change-resistance stand-by: When my client says, “I can’t see any reason to change,” my response is adapted from an AA slogan, “If you keep doing the same thing over and over, you’ll keep getting the same results over and over.”

    2. Anger — It’s remarkable how closely these stages of resistance mimic the five stages of grief. In the case of anger, I use the same response I would in replying to a client who is grieving the loss of a relationship. I mix with it a bit of empathy. Rationally, my client understands his live-in girlfriend, his job, or his family is not responsible for the onset of his addiction. I point this out. Emotionally, he may resent anyone for causing him pain or resent his family for placing shame or putting pressure on him. I suggest he may feel guilty for being angry, and this makes him even angrier. Teasing out these threads of anger helps eliminate the “blurred lines” standing in the way of progress.

    3. Fear and Confusion — One of the most common reasons for resistance is fear of the unknown. People will only take active steps toward the unknown if they genuinely believe — and perhaps more importantly, feel — that the risks of standing still are greater than the risks of moving forward in a new direction. Once again, I bring out my bag of slogans and request he use affirmations on a daily basis. One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt: “Every time you meet a situation that you think is an impossibility, then you meet it and live through it, you find forever after you are freer than you were before.” Another is from Dr Susan Jeffers: “Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from the feeling of helplessness.” Or Winston Churchill’s quote:  “If you are in Hell, keep going.” The basic emotion of fear jumbles one’s thoughts, resulting in confusion. Using simple affirmations can break through the underlying emotion of fear and help redraw the line, nudging it forward toward change.

    4. Depression — Again, a classic symptom of grief as well as resistance to change. This phase may be eased by a few kind words. However, I have to battle for this particular change model, and fight against my client’s old thoughts of living an “easy life” in addiction. That old life seemed easier than all of this work. So first, I ensure my client is following his medication-assisted treatment protocols. Then, I pull out my depression-buster toolbox: Get some friends and talk about it — my client’s assignment is to have coffee after his next NA meeting and talk specifically about his depression as well as having to work on his relationships. Depression-buster tool number two is to read inspirational messages. My newest favorite book is National Geographic‘s Daily Joy — 365 Days of Inspiration, uniting inspiring words with lovely National Geographic images of the world. Tool number three? Distraction. When depressive thoughts come creeping back in, get out of that bed, no sleeping until noon. Walk, workout, mow the lawn, go to the grocery store and shop for some nutritious ingredients for this week’s meals. Write in your journal, call your coach, talk to your sponsor and best of all, hit your knees and ask your higher power to take from you these thoughts and feelings of depression.

    5. Crisis — No matter what, there will be a crisis during the period of time in which you are implementing change. So ready yourself for it. In this particular coaching situation, a crisis can be deadly, so I pre-empt any thought of my client ‘using’, head-on. I talk about how addiction will transform thoughts of escape or defiance into the thought of using. I urge my client to prepare for this with a Fire Drill:

    “What are you going to do if these thoughts enter your head? Write this down and use it just like a fire drill is used in a school or office. Thinking of using? A bell starts ringing! Call a friend, say the serenity prayer, call me, take a walk, take out the picture of your 5 year old daughter from your wallet, go to a meeting, hug your girlfriend, write in your journal, drink a glass of water and repeat! Continue to do these things until the thoughts pass.”

    I have my client write all of these actions of a fire drill down on a 3×5 card and carry it in his wallet. Defining and breaking down a crisis helps, too: Picking up a drug is the biggest crisis; a minor fender bender is not. Heading out to an old drug-dealing location is a crisis; bouncing a check is not. In all cases tell someone, call a sponsor, a NA friend or your coach.

    6. Acceptance — Sometimes it takes a crisis to move to acceptance, and hopefully a minor crisis like a fender bender or a bounced check is the crisis my client will experience to effect this change. He can see the experience of dealing with a crisis as a sober person works more effectively.  Of course, as his coach, I follow up by asking him about the eventual resolution of this minor crisis. I am confident he will see how his change of interaction and communication styles has helped improve the resolution of the crisis. Most importantly, he will have accepted this aspect of change because he has gained a new found confidence in being a sober person resolving a crisis in a orderly and humane way.

    And confidence is really the strength my client has needed all along.

     

  • Is boredom a gateway to relapse?

    manhattan_bridge_post_versionIt’s late in the day on a Saturday. Time slows down. Nothing seems interesting on TV, just reruns of Criminal Minds, another PGA tournament with a splash of MMA Kickboxing. There is a feeling of yearning, but for what? This is boredom. We tell ourselves that we are bored! But what exactly does this mean to us?

    One meaning we give to our boredom is that the TV show we are watching is not interesting. Another meaning might be that the classes we are taking are not teaching what we need to know. Or we wish we lived in a condo instead of this house in the suburbs that needs the lawn to be mowed. In other words, we look to something external to blame. Sound familiar? Boredom is not trivial. It is out of boredom that some people turn to drugs, gambling, over-eating, sex and alcohol abuse.

    Boredom, when chronic, is very stressful and has serious consequences for an addict. For example, we might be waiting for a response from a job interview. The time it takes seems eternally long. Feelings of irritability and anxiety set in. This is where we start to feel stressed. It seems as though the solution is to blame the HR department of this company (that we are very interested in working for), for their ineptitude. Is anger and resentment lurking around the corner?

    Another example might be that boredom would cause someone to lose interest while driving and getting injured because of the lack of attention. How many times have you been driving, become bored with the road and switch into some sort of fantasy, losing your focus on the road and bang! The car in front of you is at a dead stop. My guess is that a good number of traffic accidents are caused this way.

    We are blaming the boredom on something external, like the TV, the HR department or the jerk in the car in front of you. Perhaps it is not. Perhaps boredom is internal in nature. Psychological scientist John Eastwood of York University (Ontario, Canada) and colleagues at the University of Guelph and the University of Waterloo wanted to create a precise definition of boredom, one that can be applied across a variety of theoretical frameworks. Their article, was published in Perspectives on Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, and the website, ScienceDaily, quotes from the article:

    “Drawing from research across many areas of psychological science and neuroscience, John Eastwood and his colleague[s] define boredom as an aversive state of wanting, but being unable, to engage in satisfying activity.”

    This wanting has a dangerous similarity to the craving of substances experienced by addicts during the withdrawal stage. In other words, if a recovering addict finds themselves bored, they are on the very slippery slope of wanting. Here are some additional analogies:

    • Addicts have difficulty paying attention to their internal thoughts and feelings. They have difficulty focusing on the external or environmental information required for participating in a satisfying activity. Eastman uses these characteristics to define boredom
    • Some addicts are aware of the fact that they have difficulty paying attention. Yes, this is another characteristic of boredom.
    • Addicts tend to blame and/or believe that the environment is responsible for their aversive state. Again, this is a characteristic of a person entrenched in boredom.

    The point is that research indicates that there is a relationship between boredom and lack of attention to what is happening inside and outside of ourselves. But, there is no concrete research linking boredom to addiction or relapse. However, it may be worthwhile to refocus our attention to what we are thinking, feeling and/or to the stimuli in the environment instead of simply chalking it up to being bored. Maybe we can focus by completing 90 meetings in 90 days.

    There is also the concept of embracing boredom. As the Buddhists put it; boredom is a form of impatience. Therefore patience is an antidote. There is nothing that is intrinsically boring. There are examples of prisoners of war, sitting in complete isolation, who are able to focus their minds and find interesting things to prevent boredom. Does this sound like Step Eleven?

    And then we can think about what they say about the weather in Minneapolis:

    Wait, in five minutes things will change.